The Lost Art of Flirting
Dating Apps are Dying
The dating apps have to be on their way out. They just have to. As someone who has worked in weddings, a surprising amount of people have met on dating apps. However, I think the whole scenario has really escalated as the pandemic has escalated peoples mental health issues, and abuse to dating app users. Personally, I was on those bad boys for about 3 months, until I shut it down February of 2020 and never looked back.
The jig is up, and we are slowly beginning to distance ourselves form these tech giants who are monetizing and weaponing our data, including our vulnerable love life. Also, seeing tiktoks of people ripping peoples dating profiles apart is enough for me to want to never rejoin. I feel commoditizing enough, and frankly, everyone I have ever dated I would have swiped left on. I have no idea what my type is or who I am into.
I have had no problem meeting people, platonic or romantically, because I'm bold, extroverted, stupid, and ambivalent about rejection. When you constantly are doing cool shit that you like, you can meet other people who are doing cool shit that you like. Hippies talk about “breaking the matrix” like its some hard thing to do. Breaking the matrix can just look like seeing a cutie at the coffee shop and asking if you can sit with them. It is not that complicated, but you may feel a little butt hurt if they say know.
Ice breakers
Here is a list of ice breakers that I have heard, have used in action, or have been used on me
“Why are you following me” - landed several dates with this on
“I’m following you” - less cute, ended up with very interesting date
“What are you reading” - resulted in a make out session at the park 15 minutes later
“I’m new to town and I’m looking for friends. Can I have your number?”
“I like your skates”
“I like your dragon staff”
“Looks like we took the same walk, neighbor! Would you like to join me for coffee?”
You get the idea. It’s really not the deep, and the more forward you or the partner is, I think, the better. You can say the “if you're a woman don't initiate”, and to that I say, do whatever the hell you want. I have initiaited a lot in my life that I am interested in, and then if it isn't reciprocal don't fuck with it, but to wait for someone else to make a move if you are interested seems like an oversight and inefficiency of getting what you want.
Become a Regular
The more you frequent a coffee shop, community space, pickle ball court, skate park, whatever- the easier it is to develop a sense of community in said space. The more comfortable you are in said space, the easier it becomes for you to garner social capital. When you have social capital, you are being vetted by the community and you gain peoples trust, and they gain yours.
It becomes so much more simple to ask someone to hang out outside of the context of which you usually hang out it in. When you think of how most people met their partners pre app- its religion, school, sports, or work. Place that you frequent daily or weekly. We are back in a world where we are socializing in person again, and to meet face to face.
“Get What I Want, Cause I Ask for It”
Our prima donna icon, Marina and The Diamonds, says it best. Flirting is a way to ask for whatever we want out of life. You hear the old saying, “butter the roll”, or “you catch more flies with honey”. A little bit of sweetness goes a long way in this life that is so rigid, stern, and sticky. When someone flirts with you, it is usually an instinct to blush, for your face to redden, and to be taken aback- momentarily speechless if you will. It is a way to throw a curveball in a world where our interactions can be so calculated. A subtle glitch in the matrix.
Flirting can be used as a way to get something you want, or just to be perceived how you want to be perceived. Flirting has a boldness in communication that is typically impermissible if it wasn't using a specific tone of voice. Flirting is usually thought of in a romantic sort of sense, but what are you doing if you don’t flirt with your friends.
Flirt with Friend
This is my favorite type of relationships. When you flirt you build people up. And for the longest, platonic flirting has been gate kept by primarily female and queer friendship. The straight boys, just couldn’t cross guy code and flirt. However, think about the instances in bro culture where the flirt: slapping butts on sports teams, “bromance”, “bro’s before hoes”. We are supposed to have complicated, nuance, fun relationships with people and flirting is apart of that.
One of my favorite things about American culture is how we talk to strangers. We, as a country, move a lot. We move states, we move cities, we travel to different cities a lot. Meeting people in these ventures, in most cases, an element of flirting or flattery are used. The more comfortable you are, and appreciative of the beautiful people that you have around you, the easier it is going to be to meet new people. If you are already abundant in amazing friends and relationships, it will be easy to fall into that abundance when meeting new people.
