My Breathwork Journey

Maui Wowie

Like any good thing that has happened in my life, it stemmed from a dream. I had an incredibly intense dream about Maui. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I knew I had to go. It was all I could talk about for 2 weeks. I didn't know how I would get there, or what would was waiting for me there- but I felt absolutely sure that I needed to go there as soon as possible. Within 2 weeks and one month before my 20th birthday, I had manifested a free flight and place for stay in Maui for 8 days. Damn.

I had always lived with “if there is a will there is a way” mentality of thinking, which often resulted in my sneaking into concerts, getting free tickets to shows, getting jobs and performance opportunities just because I would put myself out there- but this was the first time I had willed something from the subconscious into the conscious by sheer passion, obnoxious persistence, and speaking about my dream as it was “the best moment of my life” and saying “I don’t know how, but I’m going to get there”.

I felt it and so it was.

No Original Experience

When I arrived in Maui with my best friend, we hitch hiked to the little festival we had managed to finesse tickets for. (Did we get tickets, or did we sneak in and our friends went?) Regardless, we made it in for free. I began meeting a staggering amount of people who said that they had a dream when they were 19 or 20 that they should come to Maui, and then they did, and then they never left. Sometimes I brought up the dream, and then sometimes they brought it up- regardless, it was brought up.

When you start surfing the astral sphere, things start to happen that make you sounds like a pathological liar to the common listener. This is just part of the lore, part of the joke. What’s the fun of having absurd, psychic, profound experiences if people believe you. If people don’t have a hint of suspicion when you tell the stories you tell, maybe you should be a little bit more fantastical in your actions. Open some weird ass doors, and see what happens.

The Womb Room

What better place to enter into to have all of your astral experiences come into fruition than the womb room. There was a “Tibetan Chanting” workshop. I have no idea why this called to me, because this is something that was absolutely not on my radar. I can’t remember if I saw it and was intrigued, or just wandered in and it was happening. This period of my life was not one that was super aware of maps, schedules, or times (I freaking flew standby to get here), so I’m thinking we just wandered in.

The instructor guided us through the chanting process, and said something I will never forget. They asked us to imagine we were hanging from a string that was attached to the top of our back as dangling from the cosmos. This was my first time consciously entering the void space. We started to do the chanting breathwork. My years in musical theater had left my lung capacity long and ready to hold a belt or a chant for a long time.

I felt a buzzing radiate throughout my body, and reader, I was flying. I stopped chanting and I left the fucking planet. This was a substance free period of my life, and it felt like I was out of this world. I felt like my brain and organs had gone through a power washing machine and had been scrubbed down. There was nothing left, and I felt so free and just- fucking pure. Not carrying anything I didn’t want to.

Ayahuasca Boys

After the workshop, we met some people in the class who invited us to their farm after their festival. We were riding standby, and we had already committed to missing a week at college, so fuck it. Let’s go. I slept in a place called “The Temple”, which was just a teepee, and when I went to sleep that night it was dark. When I woke, there was a mural of a gold buddha in the ocean, which was the same scene I saw in my Maui dream. I woke up in tears. Come to find out, the farm was growing and making ayahuasca.

I think most of the time psychadelics do more harm than help, with the consumerist culture we live in, where we get addicted to something for another dopamine hit and download. However, the astral strength that this farm and energy had on me is undeniable. Big energy attracts big energy, and when you let yourself trust fall into something that doesn’t make any sense, but it feels so fucking fire- trust it. trust it. trust it!!

Chant With Your Friends

Returning to Chicago in the middle of winter, and more college that was becoming increasingly apparent I needed to drop out, ( I did end up going back & graduating, but like when your 19 and experience the gravity of the cosmic, why the fuck would you want to stay in school?).

I lived in a house full of rugby women. Very gay, very party, very rowdy. We had 5 women living in a 3 bedroom house. I shared a room with my best friend and co pilot to Maui, and I had another friend paying $100 to live on the couch. When I got back, I knew I needed to share with the couch friend the chanting I had learned. For the next 3 months, we would regularly chant into each others mouths. It wasn’t that weird, but when you chant with someone facing each other, the vibration comes into the other persons mouth. It was fun an invigorating, and at the very least, its always more fun ritually to do things with other people.

Fast forward 10 years, and I realize that I think we opened a thread together through chanting together. She was living in Barcelona and I had this feeling EATING me that someone was pregnant. I started calling people asking who the fuck was pregnant, because I felt it so deeply. She messaged me a couple weeks later saying she was pregnant. I said “I FUCKING KNEW IT”, and I told her the date I was asking everyone I knew if they were pregnant. She said that was the day she found out.

A few months later, we were talking and she started to tell me about a dream she had. It was the same dream I had. It was in a basement of my old church where I had “Baby’s First Exorcism”. I was in the lobby, and I looked into a room where there where people. I knew I couldn’t go in there because there was someone that I didn't want to see. Turns out my chanting friend was in the room, getting convinced by the devil to leave out the back door. This was the first time I had knowingly dream walked before.

I cannot deny the power that lies in practicing this esoteric shit with other people. You create a bond and power that is nearly impossible to gain the same amount of power then if you are practicing by yourself.

Breathe Away Anxiety Attacks

Let’s fast forward to 2019- the worst year of my life. I was divorced and became estranged from my parents within the first month of the year. I began having panic attacks, which was something new to me. My therapist said that he didn’t think I needed any medication, as this sort of reaction was normal for the amount of change and stress I was going through.

I began doing a Youtube Kundalini breathwork meditation everyday. It was on of the only things that would calm me down, and take the physical pain away from my chest, and slow down my breathing to feel like I was alive. I did this breathwork almost everyday for about 6 months, and then I haven’t had a panic attack since.

Even though I didn’t really do breathwork for almost 9 years, it was there when I needed it. It was waiting to cradle me when I felt myself slipping away. When everything that was keeping me- me, turned out to be a lie, and the grand reinvention of self became an identity crisis. Who was I without the main people in my life that I loved? I had to breathe to figure it out. I had to breathe to find myself hidden in between the constructs of who I thought I was, how other people perceived me, and who I wanted to become.

I did not breathe with an intention to envision my best self, or any type of manifestation. I was breathing to get my body back, to get my appetite back, to grieve, to be supported, and to feel like my heart wasn’t going to leave its body as I was brought to my knees gasping for air.

Breathwork Quest

A couple years later, I went through this incredible deep dive of self exploration after pursuing the 12 weeks of “The Artist Way” by Julie Cameron. One of the prompts for one of the weeks challenges is to take yourself on a weekend getaway. I went to the hot springs. During this 12 week period, I could feel my intuition absolutely spiking, and I felt so connected to everything around me.

I went to my favorite hot springs, and brought a book. I was sitting next to these twins who were reading books about occultism. It felt like destiny. They were there with their grandpa. I knew I wanted to talk to him immediately. He was talking about how there’s are hundreds of other chakras, and how they spin different ways. It was very interesting, and it felt like such a treat to eavesdrop.

I knew I wanted to talk to him, but I didn’t know how. Luckily, he started talking to me. And I said I liked what he was saying about the chakras system. He started talking about breathwork, and I said I struggled to really get into a steady breathwork practice. He suggested the mothers breath- which was 7 inhale, hold for 1, and 7 exhale.

In true vision quest vision, he said “practice this, and then the next instructions will find you”. This is my favorite way to be spoken to. I love to be given a whimsical task, and then led on a cosmic goose chase ending who knows where.

The Mothers Breath

About 6 months after this encounter, I was dog sitting for a friend and I became friends with a man who came to do the cleaning. He was telling me about his spiritual journey, and walking on coals with Tony Robbins in the 90’s, all sorts of wild stuff that only comes from bravery and age.

I was telling him about my experience with synchronicities, and how I felt I wanted to get into breathwork. I told him the story about the man at the hot spring. He told me he studied with the man that coined the term “mothers breath” Rashad Feild. He then gave me 3 books that he insisted I needed.

He explained Feild’s work to me, and the time they spent together. I had never heard of Rashad Feild, or “The Mothers Breath” before. True to the cryptic message from the man at the hot springs, I was given the next step after practicing “The Mothers Breath”.

Kundalini Awakening

3 months after I was given these books, I encountered the “next step”, in my breathwork journey. A whole ass Kundalini Awakening. I go into it in depth here. I love writing these events chronologically like this, because 6 months before my Kundalini Awakening a total stranger told me the steps to follow in my breathwork journey. This absolutely helped crack open and prepare my body for such a massive intake of energy.

After the honeymoon stage of Kundalini Awakening wears off, it was about 6 months for me, I started teaching breathwork sessions 1:1 and in group settings. I felt this deeply in my being that this was something that could manifest for other people as well. Using a combination of methods that have whimsically landed in my lap over the course of nearly 15 years, I have found what I am supposed to do.

When you are deep in a breathwork session you are unable to think. One thing I craved in my crisis phase and now entering my expansion phase- is that it is easy for me to rationalize things or philosophize things, but the real power is when I can feel the the peace, tranquility, power, and magnetism in my body and synthesize it from there.

Here is a breathwork visualization freebie to “brainwash yourself” for the next 7 days: brainwash yourself

If you are looking for something more intense, cracked open, and fucking ALIVE- I’m offering 1:1 sessions here through the 2 week regenerate program.

The Letter Vision Quest

Birthday Spiral

Last we left off, we were deep in the birthday spiral. What is a good existential crisis without an astral solution? The day before my birthday I did some breathwork and meditation that really shakes me up. It’s an induces epiphanies for me, which is an actual birthday gift I want to give to myself. One thing I absolutely love about breathwork is it really can wake you up. For me, it feels like I am scraping the plaque from my psychic channel and makes it crystal clear what needs to come in.

As I breathed and chanted, I heard “you need to write 10 letters”. This makes sense to me. I used to write all sorts of letters. The best parts of my life were layered with sparce phone usage and lots of letter writing. I used to write 1-3 letters a day. I had penpals whose relationship were only sustained through the power of the pen. I had a friends once say “I can’t tell if all these letters you send me are going to end up subpoenaed or in a museum”, and that my friends is one of the best compliment I have ever gotten in my life.

I wrote a list of 10 people that I wanted to write letters to, with the intention to write a letter every day to said list. Well, the universe had something a bit more spicy in store.

I get the deep feeling that I need to do 2-3 weeks of intense breathwork to push me into this new year of life for myself. Give myself an energetic reset of sorts. We are a few days out of “Hit Me Spring” a dance challenge I host where we dance everyday either outside, in public, or for 20 minutes, or all 3! It’s a time of incredible expression, creativity, manifestation, and liberty of the mind and body. This was the first year I hosted a challenge publicly, but the third year I’ve hosted a group.

Frank

A few days before my birthday, I was doing my 20 minute dance session in a room with a fish tank. I could feel the energy pulse out of my hands, and I put my hands by the tank and thought “ I could talk to this fish right now”, so I asked the fish if he had a message for me. I felt such a strong feeling of the word “Frank”. Heh, the fish just named himself.

Fast forward to a few days later where I’m doing my breathwork/ channeling and I get a text from my ex saying that his grandfather “Frank” had passed away. Frank was a painter and art professor at Howard University, and I had the pleasure of staying with him in retirement for a week. He passed away in his sleep on my birthday.

This was the second day of breathwork, and when I started realizing that I was opening a portal that was a bit more unpredictable than I had expected. Maybe this was going to be a bit deeper than writing 10 letters to people. It looked like this letter vision quest was going to start to wind and turn in ways that might not be fully apparent to me weeks, months, or years after the fact.

Ammonite

I’ve had a very long and strange love affair with the fossil ammonite. It’s been such a strange journey, that I started recording and sharing my experiences with the fossil through my TikTok ammonite series . It started when a friend gifted me and my friend and dear podcast entreprequeers podcast co-host, and she said “we’re going to travel”. Over the span of the week, I realized that 7 dreams that I had written down 2 months prior had come true. My experience with ammonite has been so surreal, Salvador Dali- esque, dream walking reality.

When I left Florida, I started giving away all of my ammonite. I began working it with it very intimately. It felt like it was time for me to clear the energy and stop disrupting my astral and physical life. I wanted to cultivate more Venusian energy. Easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl. I kept one piece- the one I wore during my Kundalini Awakening, and had kept with my for almost every major ritual for the past year and a half. I brought it with me to Paris, and I spent Christmas with my dear friend and spiritual coach Lau.

I worked with Lau for 6 months after my Kundalini Awakening, and it was one of the most transformative, intense, deep work I have ever done. She invited me to Amsterdam for Christmas with her family, and I gave her my final ammonite on a whim. It turns out her mom has an almost identical ammonite that she got in Egypt. It had the same clasp, and was the same size. It looks almost exactly the same.

We channeled things about her business, and the overwhelming message was “don’t focus on money, and focus on the being”. We started seeing the same images and messages from the ammonite. I sent her the library of experiences I had documented on TikTok. I was so grateful I documented all of this, because you have a living history that other people can compare it to. When you start working in the astral, it can be easy for things to become hazy as you experience things from different timelines and dimensions. One of the reasons for this blog is to document some strange astral stuff, and also keep as a personal living library for myself.

On the 3rd day of doing my breathwork and channeling, and I got very strong and distinct messages for Lau and her business. I knew I had to write her a letter. This was when I realized I wasn't going to be choosing who I wrote letters to, but they were going to be channeled with different message to me.

As I set out to write her letter at a coffee shop, she texted me a photo of the ammonite. It has broken into 3 pieces. This felt like an end of an era for the both of us. The piece of ammonite was thick, and it had just broken in her purse. Sometime gemstones, crystals, and fossils break to let you know that your time working with them is over.

Stranger Danger

The days go on, and I know I’m supposed to write 10 channeled letter. The first few were obvious. Friends in my circle with a pretty tight astral schedule and practice. I was not at all confused that these people were coming through.

And then I got a stranger.

Not a complete stranger, but I had followed them on Instagram from a online co working session I was in. Her instagram name came through so strongly, I couldn’t ignore it. I send the message and said I was doing breathwork and writing letters to people, and asked if I could send her a letter. She agreed. She poked around and saw my blog about Kundalini and aliens and said that “she thought we were on the same wavelength”.

I wasn't surprised by this, and had a feeling we were a similar energetic sphere. People with big astral energy pick up on other people with big astral energy. I had a friend I hadn’t seen or talked to in almost 10 years, but we connected on TikTok. I told them I had a dream they were going to get a PhD in philosophy and science (there was a very specific word that I can’t remember now), and she said “yeah I am looking into doing that. I’m applying to PhD programs now.” The next night I had a dream about the program, and the classes she was taking. I messaged her this and she said “before I went to bed I asked for a message to come in my sleep”. She didn’t have a dream, but I did.

She had trust and big energy, and therefore I had trust and big energy. We are not meant to go on this spiritual journey alone. It is not supposed to be isolating, but rather an interconnected journey where we astrally connect and help each other. While the physical strives to keep us in individualism and isolation, when we connect to ourselves, and therefore everything else, we realize how connected, loved, and powerful we all really are.

Alien Sex

I’ll keep this over share short. An ex came up in a channeling (oh brother). We were really into sex magic when we were together. One of the first time we had sex he said “do you want to do sex magic”, and I said “yeah baby”. We didn't like set an intention or anything. We just said it out loud, and then had long sex that spanned throughout the night, as rendezvous with new lovers tend to do.

The next day, a friend said he has a dream about me having sex with a “heavily tattooed man” which is actually what happened. The man was heavily tattooed. Needless to say, we had quite the spicy connection, and when he came up in breathwork I felt instantly horny. This happens sometimes in breathwork. You are working with the Kundalini “life force” aka “fucking” energy, so this isn’t super uncommon. The breath is replicating breath patterns that sometimes we don’t feel outside of heavy exercise or sex.

I thought, fuck it I’m going to cheat. and I started touching myself. I came in a wondrous 10 seconds. It didn’t take much.

Enemies

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t have any enemies. How have you lived your life so passively that no one has ever been a villain in your life, and you have never been the villain in someone else’s life? Can’t relate. I don’t have a ton of enemies in my life, but there are a few living (cheers to my rapist dying on the toilet).

To my shock and horror, a couple of enemies appeared in my channeling. If I wanted to keep my sweet, strong, alien orgasms I would have to send these letters to these fuckers. The first enemy has actually started to shift from enemies to grateful. She did end up giving me a lot more than what I could have imagined, despite also taking a great deal. I just thanked her for her support.

The second enemy is someone I believe has no business being in my field. And maybe that is fucked up for me to think, but it’s true. I see no silver lining to this person, and literally see them as a parasite sucking the life from beautiful people. I channeled a message for like… different things to activate their power and destress.

I kept both letters impersonal and short. I didn't want to give away my secrets, but knew I had to freaking send it to make it happen.

Regenerate

During this bizarre practice of breathwork and channeling, I got the message I needed to facilitate breathwork sessions. Enter: Regenerate This was coming as a complete surprise to me, but my intuition had been coming on so strong, I had to listen. Since sending it, my intuition has become literally yelling at me, and showing me the most time bendy experiences because were in it!

These sessions are a 2 week experience, that will kind of take you through a journey that I described. I think its important to have support outside of a 1 off breathwork session, that can be super activating but can leave you hanging.

I’ve designed “foreplay” and “aftercare” into this program to sustain you through the process into something that you can stick with, and allow the change to radiate throughout your entire body.

When I was planning my launches and work projects for April, making breathwork open was not included at all. I have taught a few breathwork classes before, as well as 1:1’s. The results have always been incredible to observe. Now that I think about it, opening these sessions has never been something that’s planned.

The connection that activates through the breathe makes everything so crystal clear, that you actually end up asking for the opposite of signs, because the signs and synchronicities start to appear at an alarming rate. You energetic field starts to radiate, that the physical has no choice but to time bend to match your energy.

Would love to see you in “regenerate” and thanks for stopping by!!

The Peach Effect: How To Edge Through Life

If you need me, I'll be here embodying an early 2000s Faith Hill 

The best moment of my life was eating a juicy peach. The most bizarre thing about the moment was I knew that this was the best moment of my life while it was happening. It was so sweet, so profound, so perfect that while it was happening I declared in my head that “this is the best moment of my life”. This happened almost more than 10 years ago, and this is still moment still reigns as the best moment of my life.

This happened on the heels of a synchronicity spin where I am “on one”. That’s what me and my friends call it, when things are extra glitchy and the veil between the subconscious and conscious seemed to have disappeared. We call this “being on one”.

If you didn't read The Secret in the early 2000's, did you even have a spiritual awakening?

The Secret

Like any young midwest girl chasing whimsy and truth in the early 2000’s, “The Secret” obviously played a major role in the unfolding of self. I honestly don’t remember how this book fell in my lap, but being the veracious reader that I am- books always fell in my lap because I would always read them. I was reading “The Secret” and they started talking about the synchronicities and manifestations. This part was something that was not unfamiliar to me, but never knew that you could call something a “manifestation”. I just always got really excited about the thought of something happening, and voila, it happened.

This was the first time I had wanted something to try and see if I could make a manifestation happen. I had just landed in a rag tag punk house, where we ate from garbage cans, didn’t have smartphones or wifi, and I learned how to play the guitar, cook, and build a bonfire. The vibes were high. It was like how life was supposed to be for a recent cllege drop out whose head of the Urban Planning and Policy Department told her she “belonged in the streets, not behind the computer because that’s where you would make the most difference.”

I left college and went and hung out with a bunch of anarchists activists that would end with me having to find new housing in account of our house being raided by the FBI as I apparently was living with one of the most prolific hacktivists of our generation.

Alors

I’m reading “The Secret” and the book is just coming alive for me. I feel it pulse through my soul, and I’m just so excited. I declare that I am going to manifest new furniture for my bedroom. I go out on my bike to do errands or something, and I run into my friend who is skateboarding and offers me a joint. I kindly oblige, and we chill and go on our way. Is there anything sweeter than running into someone and then getting stoned on the streets of Chicago in summer? No, the answer is no.

The Peach Effect

This blog was not sponsored by Big Peach 

I then run into another friend in The Loop, and he invites me to hang out. I say “no I can't, I’ve got my bike”, and he was like “no problem I have my van”. I through my bike in the back, and I lay down next to my bike. He stops and makes an errand, and I’m laying in the back of the van and I pull out a peach from my backpack. It’s perfect. It begins to drip on my face, and I imagine that its blessing me. This peach is making sweet love to my face with its juices pouring down my face and onto my neck. I thought to myself “This is the most wonderful moment of my life”. The serendipity of running into people who I loved, made me feel so supported and excited to be living the life I was living. The peach was a manifestation of everything that was going right in my life. I felt like I was making sweet love to this damn peach.

When I got home to my cozy and chaotic punk house, there was furniture in my room. I was confused and I my trombone playing twin roommate ( I was living with a set of twins to make things even more surreal) what the deal was and where it came from. My roommate said “oh the neighbors moved out and asked if we wanted the furniture and you didn’t have any furniture so here you go”. Well damn, that peach was good.

Arnold Schwarzenegger explains how it feels like he “coming day and night” 

“ I Am Coming Day and Night, It’s Terrific”

This blissed and pumped up interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger shows us the power of the pump. He described how good it is to get pumped up, that “I’m getting the feeling of coming in the gym, I’m getting the feeling of coming at home. I am coming day and night. It is terrific.” This is how life can feel. There are different ways to access this “edging state”, but one of the quickest ways I’ve found is through breathwork. Doing consistent breathwork everyday will rapidly change how you. Personally, when I am living in these waves, I do feel like I’m simply edging life. Things seems easier, lighter, carefree. It’s like a sensual dance with life versus an obligation.

If you are looking for an intro to breathwork, try our 7 day “brainwash yourself” challenge. This will get the grinds going, and will change your life. This 10 minute visualization and breathwork will loosen your body and brain, and make your energetic field bigger. Bigger than the stress, uncertainty, and start opening the portals of pleasure so you too can feel like you are coming everywhere you go.

Life is constantly trying to show off for us. She wants us to notice her. She is flirting with us with the sun on our shoulders, the sensual sunsets, the smiles from strangers, or an unexpected joke in the grocery store line. Life is always trying to show us how beautiful she is. Sometimes we notice it, but if we really let the power of these small, wondrous moments move and change us- that is the power to create worlds and feel the tiny creation orgasms that echo throughout our life.

Change Your Body, Change Your Mind

dance in the street with strangers. live your life like you would get lobotomized in the 1950's 

The brain loves to get stuck in a loop. It certain, its safe. Create a loop that will give your life a glow up. Disrupt the pattern by keeping your body guessing what is next. Our 21st centuries are used to experiencing a lot more variety in its day to day. Energy gets trapped in your body and manifests as different ailments and stress. Somatic really are the missing key with this. If you can move your body differently (i.e dance), breath differently (i.e. orgasm, breathwork, laughter) or use your voice differently (i.e. sing or vocal toning) these can change your body and in turn change how you think and perceive.

We have thought ourselves into oblivion, now don’t you want to be a dumb horny bimbo who is going to freaking have an o from smelling some flowers? Don’t you want to cry out of beauty from listening to a song that impacts you so deeply? Fall in love with book characters that make you move through life differently? Take a step to the edge, and fucking enjoy as your life unfolds like a flower.

Birthday Spiral

Its My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To

Oh the birthday blues. Something I’m sure that is as old as birthdays themself. The melancholy of growing older, and celebrating another year of life. This is alway a time of contemplation. With life comes death, and maybe this is dramatic for a birthday, but remembering a birth does bring up death. A few days ago, I wrote a list of people that I know that have died since 2020. It was at least one person for every year.

Perhaps we cry on birthdays because we are reflecting on our mortality. Maybe we cry because we have outlived so many others. Maybe we cry because we are afraid of what the next year has in store. Maybe we cry because we’re so grateful and happy to be around people we love, because the plants are alive, the sun rises everyday, and we get to take a sweet breath of life every, single, day.

Star of the Show

Every day, we have so many things to focus on. Different things to do, interacting with other people, going to work, and we don’t get a ton of time to just sit back, relax, and focus on the star of the show- yourself. When your birthday rolls around, all eyes are on you. We can have different expectations for this day, be them good or bad. Do you like to have a big party for your birthday? Or just celebrating with a few people?

I prefer a few people. One of my favorite things to do on my birthday is make rounds with my friends. Breakfast with someone, lunch with someone else, and dinner with another person. I have deep relationships and friendships, but get overwhelemed by bigger groups of people. It seems like work. If there is something I don’t want on my birthday, is something to feel like work.

The Art of The Birthday

These delicate days have years to take form. From a young age, we are given the preconceived notion of what to expect from a birthday. The kids who never had parties or cake, or the kids who had a birthday party and no one showed up. The politics of young birthdays. Children aren’t given much choice how to celebrate. One of the treats of getting older, if you realize the patterns you have around certain holidays and your birthday.

You get comfortable (maybe) telling people no, or what you do and don’t like. Its the one day of the year where youre “allowed” to be selfish. You figure out yourself, and maybe a reason this day can be so triggering, is that when you try and think about what you actually want- you really have no clue.

Who Am I?

About a week before my birthday, without fail- I go into something I call the Birthday Spiral. I start questioning everything . Maybe this is good? It’s like my biological clock screeches to a halt to check in on what the fuck we are do. Are we going in a direction we want? What patterns are we repeating? What patterns do we want to repeat? What patterns do we to want to repeat?

Because I’ve been reacting to my birthdays like this for almost as long as i can remember, it almost seems counter intuitive to celebrate. It seems like a quiet time, something reflective and poignant. However, I always get really horny around my birthday. So- maybe just existential thoughts and kinky sex.

My Kundalini Awakening

bite bite goes the snake of kundalini consciousness

Disclaimer

This is a chronicle of my experiences, and how I knew what was happening and the steps I took to usher in the energy. This isn’t medical advice, and kundalini energy can be really fucking intense. Like… hospitalized for psychosis intense. I think it is also helpful to hear other peoples experiences with their awakenings, to build an oral history to pull from. At the end of the day, my kundalini awakening was one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my life.

What is Kundalini?

Again, this is just my understanding of it, but there are practitioners and monks who commit their entire life to understanding and experiencing this phenomenon. This is my rudimentary definition. Its an energy that sits at the base of your spine, and you can move it up the spine and activate different energy centers along the way. When you have a kundalini awakening, you can feel the energy crack open and cause physical releases, shakes, and jolts similar to that of an orgasm. It is said to awaken a different level of consciousness.

The Pleidians

This wild book was given to me from a neighbor in Chicago while I was in college. She thought I was a reptilian, which somehow became a reoccurring theme for me. Numerous people in my life have though I am a lizard person. I guess its just my vibe. She gave me this book because she thought I needed it more than I did, and it also freaked her out and she didn’t want it in her house anymore. She was from a small town, and everything about Chicago freaked her out. I was never scared or intimidated by Chicago. I have always thrived in chaos.

I was in college and I began reading this book about the Pleidians, a type of alien that inhabit earth, in like… a spirit guide situation (I think). Like… you can call upon your alien spirit guides. I was reading this book during a class ( as I often did, because I was always half paying attention and professors and teachers didn’t seem to mind if I was reading). At the end of each chapter, there are visualizations that embed the information of the chapter into your subconscious. I finish the chapter and I’m reading a visualization, and I feel this jolt of energy. I am overcome with this vibrant violet color. I know things. I know what the professor is going to say. I think it 3 times in a row, and then she repeats the words I said to myself in my head 3 different time in succession.

I run out of the classroom, crying. Am I having a psychotic break? I’m in college, this can’t be happening right now. I need to go to school. I need to be a student. I don’t want to do meditation that makes me able to read my professors thoughts. This isn’t the first time I had experienced prophetic and extreme intuitive capabilities through dreams, feelings, or ideas. However, this was the first time I had accurately predicted what someone would say 3 times in a row stone cold fucking sober. I shut it down. This is important to note. You ALWAYS have the power to shut it down. You always have control and agency of your body.

Psychedelic Precursor

I put the book the fuck down. I understood why it freaked my neighbor out and she gave it to me. I do not know why she gave it to me, her spun out neighbor who was taking acid or mushrooms every other weekend. Later in life, I confessed my heavy psychedelic use in my adolescence to one of my first freelance clients. He said “wow, your a cosmonaut”. I said, “that’s a weird way to say fried, but okay”.

In hindsight, maybe psychedelics at a young age are responsible for my openness to life and the spirit realm. As a woman in her thirties, I see people taking extreme psychedelics for therapeutic and spiritual purposes as a part of a newly legalized wave of wellness. I have my doubts. Sure, you can blast off. If you can’t maintain the grid in your day to day, what is the point? I’m sure it can help people. In my experience, I think it took me way too far way too soon.

Psychedelic culture reaked throughout my midwest high school, that was influenced by a jam band festival that rocked everyones world for a weekend in May. My peers showing up to school with sheets of acid, people dosing each other at school, people insisting they were reincarnations of Jim Morrison, and doing acid on the weekends was just as normal as drinking bottom shelf vodka mixed a questionable mixer (sunny D anyone??)

One of the first trips I had as a 16 year old, involved pissing myself, thinking I was dead, and all of my friends convinced me that we had all died and were in purgatory. Another fun trip was a mushroom trip at 17 (and I had mono??) where I saw my soul and it was so ugly. I saw how hideous I could be. My best friend and boyfriend convinced me through the tears that “I was a beautiful person”. I had one friend, who was into the occult as a young baby high school gay look me straight in the eye and say “you’re right anna. you are a hideous person”.

I knew he was the only person who was able to tell me the truth. I was confronted with the darkest parts of myself. I went home and manically wrote “USE ME” over and over again on a piece of paper. I surrendered my life to be used as a vessel. This was one of the most profound times, and a beautiful experience with g-d.

I say all of this because we had been dancing with devil for a bit. Usually, your kundalini awakening hits naturally in your 40’s, so when mine started to happen in my late 20’s, this is what I credit it too. I also believe with the rapid change of our climate and social structures, I think folks are getting them earlier as our consciousness asks us to snap the fuck out of it and use our psychic and emotional intelligence to look at the world around us and stop being fucking cowards.

Lockdown

During lockdown, with an abundance of time and horny energy that had no outlet besides vigorously working out 2-3 times a day, I revisited the creepy alien book. A friend bought it out of curiosity, and for the second time in my life, she gave it to me because she said “yeah, this book isn’t for me. Its for you”. Sometimes it feels like my life is operating on one big, strange loop that keeps replaying itself.

At this point, I had been vegan for 3 years. I read an interesting passage in the book talking about kundalini awakenings. This book described it as intergalactic intelligence being activated through the body. It said your body would prepare you for this to happen, you would suddenly change your diet to exclude meat, or include meat, for example. The book went on to say that it was normal to have a lot of physical energy as sexual energy (AAYYYOOO).

A year later I did a Pleidian meditation where I told them they could take over my body. I was like, you know what, take the wheel. I surrender, you can have this vessel. 1 month later I stopped being vegan and eliminated processed sugar and carbs from my diet. 6 months later I had my kundalini awakening. When it happened it seemed like a spontaneous thing, but it was something I prepared my mind and body for years ago. About a year before my kundalini awakening, I had started to get constant dreams about getting bit by a snake. Usually on my ankle. Kundalini is typically represented as a snake moving up the spine.

Some of these snake bite dreams were spicy. I would have a snake bite dream, and I’d call a friend to recount the dream, and it would be exactly the situation that they were in. It felt more like astral spying. I’ve had to develop a process of asking people if they are interested in hearing my dream about them. There have been way to many instances that I have dreamt about something that happened, that was meant to remain private.

Big energetic things ripple through and are easier to pick up on. It one of the reasons why we can sometimes sense death or birth. These are huge energetic events. Wormholes of people lives entering and exiting this physical plane.

The Night Before

This is where it gets really fucking weird. I would have had no idea I had a kundalini awakening unless these next few things happened. I have developed a pretty strong trust with myself to just go with my intuition. If I feel something strongly, I do it. No matter how absurd or destructive it could potentially be. I have caught myself so many times, I would always rather listen to my intuition.

I was had just bought a course called “Quantum Leap” and it was really vague as to what happened through it. Some sort of breathwork, but the testimonials were just absolutely incredible. A voice inside me said “this is it”. Alright, lets full send. I bought it to do the next day.

I did a ritual that night with candles and an altar. The little voice popped up and I went to go look at the book titles “Kundalini”. I still am not super sure where this came from. Perhaps it was a gift, but I had never been terribly interested in kundalini. I opened it to chapter 3 which was titled “How To Know When Your Kundalini Awakens” or something along these lines.

I bring a stone into bed with me, which I almost NEVER do. I’m really sensitive to crystal energies, so I usually don’t have a ton around me and never sleep with them. I went to bed with the shiva lingam that night, which I later found out that it was for activating kundalini energy.

That night I had a dream, and clear as day I heard “It is time for your kundalini to awaken”. Alright. Lets do this. I wake up and do the course. The first couple hours are just talking, and then the last 30 or 40 minutes is a guided pranayama. 10 minutes in, I felt like I was getting shocked by an electric eel. My back arched like an intense orgasm or exorcism (who can tell the difference), and my brain was completely empty and buzzing with sensations.

If I hadn’t have had 3 confirmations that this was, in fact, a kundalini awakening I probably would have chocked it up to some juicy breathwork. What happened after the moment of the kundalini awakening is a whole other blog post. This completely changed the course of my life, and how I am able to communicate, trust, and believe in myself. There is a solution to every problem. I know that g-d will provide, and I trust myself and my intuition in a way that adds a touch of whimsy to everything I do.

Part 2 coming because that’s a whole other pot of tea.

5 Reasons Why You’re Going to Feel March’s Astrology

I am a simple bimbo who is a hobbiest astrologer who is slowly learning how the transits affects the personal and collective. On a personal level, I have been looking forward to March’s and April’s astrology since I had a peak in September/October. This is arguarably the biggest astrological times of 2023. We have a lot of main characters moving around, and a ton of action happening in Aires which is the baby of the zodiac signifying new beginnings and The Fool.

Saturn is Switching Signs

For the past 2 and a half years, Saturn has been comfy (and by comfy I mean uprooting our perceptions of existential life and time) in its ruling sign of Aquarius. The sign of humanitarian activity and collective shifts, really gave us a run for its money as we saw how people responded collectively and as humanitarians during a worldwide pandemic. With Saturn switching into the sign of Pisces on March 7th, time will tell what this period of time will look like for us. I can only speculate that with the planet ruler of Jupiter, and the house ruler in the 12th house that it will be a little more gentle than Saturn in Aqaurius.

Intuitively, I feel that maybe this is about the wall coming down on the pipe dream of the never ending consumption and exploitation of people and natural resources. If we are at the end of the zodiac wheel, and the next wheel rotation is a new start in Aires- maybe this is where we meet our limits. When climate change gets to a point that isn’t ignorable, and we pull our heads out of the sand as we realize that we can’t keep living like this anymore. The entire system will need to be rebuilt in the subsequent decade with Aires rebuilding from what Pisces tears down, following Taurus with more solid structures. How much of a shift in the systems will we see? That is the question.

Daylights Savings

Yes, I know this isn’t technically an astrological event, but if you live in a place that observes Daylight Savings, you realize that radical effect that this has on your day to day and how you particpate in the world around you. This is like, manmade astrology. This is how we decided to control the sun. It's bizarre, and I wonder what the longer term effects will be. As the world gets hotter, maybe it will become more practical for us to have less sunlight during the daytime to stay cool.

I digress, on March 12th we gain one hour of daylight our 6pm sunset becomes a 7pm sunset. How glorious. I began to tear up writing that. As we inch closer to the summer solstice, these are such sacred days to behold. The energy of the switch, we all change our demeanor. We step out of hibernation mode, and we spring into action as plants and animals wake up, and we step into the versions of ourselves that sees the sun after 5pm. Two totally different people.

The Astrological New Year

This is the time folks. We all know that New Years seems like a hazy, drunk stupor because it is in the middle of fucking winter and they had to put a few holidays together to give us modern humans a reason to live during the bleak midwinter.

Now is the time, March 20th. We get our spring. Our sweet, sweet spring. This is the time where we plant that seed. Where we took the time during the winter months to get to chill, destimulate, and simplify. This is the time of the year where we all awaken together, and it is truly a beautiful thing. The flowers start to grow or bloom, birds become frequent. The sun is really starting to kiss our shoulders. Plant your seeds for this equinox, because it is happening during…

Eclipse Shadow Period

Eclipses get a bad wrap for being disruptive and chaotic. Eclipses are my favorite astrological energy to manifest with. People advise against using this transit as a time to manifest because it can be unpredictable. I feel like eclipses are freaking quantum leaps, and yeah, it can be jarring but… gestures broadly at everything. We are in a time where we need to be taking mystical risks and experimenting. For humanity, we are all an all hands on deck type of situation to ensure some semblance of socitey to remain.

This eclipse will be in Aires, which is The Fool, the baby, the sign of new beginning. This will take place on April 19th, bookending Aires season as we start with the solstice and end with an eclipse. In my book, that gives the entirety of Aires season quite an edge that will really cut any loose ends, or end anything before you get too into it.

Pluto Enters Aquarius

The only thing I keep hearing about this one is that the French and American revolution happened the last time that Pluto was in Aquarius from 1777-1797. You take a look around and you realize that you don’t need to be astrologer to realize that something has got to give. Pluto entering Aquarius around the same time a Saturn enter Pisces is my main astrological thesis as to why I think that that Saturn in Picses will give a stir to the systems that be.

Here’s the thing, we only get the revolutionary “24601” until this June when Pluto retrogrades back into Capricorn for the rest of 2023. I think with the eclipse, Saturn, and Pluto all changing things up I think March is the beginning of some radical shit that is going to echo on until early summer, and then pick up again in 2024.

Reprogram Your Brain With Dance

The Shame of Bad Dance

When you think of dance, it is usually in the context of art. Whether a performance, or something to be observed. Dance typically isn’t in the conversation of “ways to exercise” or “mental health maintenance”. We speak of how movement is vital for nearly every capacity of well being and vitality, but dance is never included in the prescribed modalities of said “movement”.

Dance is saved for people who are “good dancers”, people that have rhythm, people who have studied it. Dance isn’t for the common folk. There is a certain shame that surrounds dance, and if you aren’t a “good dancer”, dance is left out for you. However, dance is one of the most ancient, primitive, and divine forms of self expression that we have been utilizing for thousands of years.

Ancient Dance

Tale as old as time, dance has been there. Dance has guided us through the Euphrates River in ancient Egypt, to the native pow- wow’s in North America, to the tribal fire of Polynesia. Dance has always been a way to be a conduit of massive amounts of energy. Dance has carried us through times of grief, joy, power, sorrow, rage, and celebration.

Dance has been our direct link to g-d. Dance is the one link that connects almost every single culture. Perhaps it isn’t a coincidence that a lot of cultures that didn’t have a strong dance practice were unfulfilled and sought a dopamine hit from colonial exploitation vs. a nice boogie in the village square.

Somatic Dance

When you surrender into a dance, you are no longer thinking. Your mind isn’t in control anymore. Your mind is completely shut off, and you are now responding to what your body wants. You’re body begins to speak to you, and you respond in a way. Different parts of your body have conversations with themselves. Have you ever let your elbow talk to your forearm?

You quickly can hypnotize yourself with the power of dance, lost in a deep state of meditation that will hold you captive. Your body moves, and you can sometimes achieve out of body experiences as you can literally feel yourself vibrate out of your physical vessel.

Psycho-somatic dancing.

It doesn’t have to be that dramatic. You won’t always have an outer body experience. Sometime you’ll have such a dance session that will make you feel functional. That will make you feel like you can actually complete the tasks you need to complete throughout the day, and not completely bury yourself in a cuddle nest of sorrow. It’s like a giant mood reset button lies on the other side of cranking Third Eye Blind’s “Semi- Charmed Life” and jumping around to head bang a bit.

Et voila, an instant hit of energy. Repeat as needed.

Survival Dance

Saviors come in unexpected boxes. Who would have known that the plucky habits of dancing in parking lots in costumes in high school would result in a habit that would save me, and allow me to become a completely new woman when the woman I used to know was violently taken from me.

In the matter of 3 weeks in January, I lost a relationship to my husband from divorce. Through that can of worms, I gained enough courage to approach my family about a hazy, dark memory. To my horror, it was much worse than what I had anticipated. They confirmed the memory, and made it impossible for me to continue a relationship with my mother, father, and grandmother at that time.

All of the preconceived notions of me were violently taken away. I had no idea where I stood as a daughter, or as a wife. I lost my best friend 6 months prior, and I was standing on shaky ground where nothing felt real. I began to get panic attacks for the first time of my life. I was unable to eat. My whole life was tightly wound and fragile. I was living alone for the first time of my life, in the apartment that I had shared with my husband. We had a business, a marriage, a home.

Luckily, the apartment didn’t have a ton of furniture, and we had a full length mirror. I started listening to music: constantly. It was how I soothed myself. I didn't want to be around the harsh silence. Then my body began to move.

I don’t consciously remember it moving, but it was something I always did. I always danced. I knew this about myself. I could always dance and shift my mood. That’s what I did. I began dancing all day, everyday. I was always grooving. Sometimes to happy music, and sometimes to the most angsty music I could imagine. Layer on the drama and dance it out like an exorcism.

I gave myself a year to recover. To not push myself too hard in career or any other matters. One year to really get to know myself, and the best way for me to get to know myself was through dance.

I took to the streets, marching down the sidewalk with my speaker dancing like a looney toon in the shy streets of Denver. I needed the sun. I needed the fresh air. They were my allies in getting me to feel like a new person again. I didn't want to be contained to the four walls of the apartment. I wanted to explore.

I also found my way into kundalini breath work, because this kundalini breath work meditation would be the only thing to to slow my breath down enough to regain control during a panic attack.

And to my surprise, it worked. 6 months of diligent dancing and breath work, the panic attacks stopped. I had forged a new life for myself, a more gentle life for myself with new characters, a new home, and a new set of eyes.

Reprogram Yourself

After I discovered this cheat code of dancing to reprogram yourself, I began to shoot a documentary based on people who danced everyday and how it had profoundly changed their life. We met people who recovered from addiction, and managed their mental health diagnosis strictly through dance. We met people who avoided gangs by dancing. People who had immigrated, and clung to the dance and spirit of their previous country as a means of assimilation.

The more you dance, the more you know yourself. The more you know yourself, the more you trust yourself. The more you trust yourself, the more agency and power you have. If you trust yourself, fear cannot manipulate you. Fear can scare you, but it can’t control you. When we start acting from a place that isn’t fear, this is where the revolution happens. This is how the world becomes a radically different place because we have the integrity in ourselves and our community to fearlessly stand up for what is right. Stand up against the injustices of the world.

We will dance during the revolution

How Do You Start?

First, take a look at how you do habits.

1) Are you a pedal to the metal, full force kind of person, or do are you a gradually build a habit.

2) How comfortable are you dancing? Do you already dance alone in your room?

The magic number for me has been twenty minutes, every day. I would suggest starting there for a month. its about 5-6 songs. If this seems daunting and unrealistic for you, I would start with 1 song a day, preferable in the morning to set the energetic mood for the day.

If you read this before March 1st, 2023- we are hosting a challenge where we dance everyday for the month of spring. We are holding each other accountable, and working through weekly intention settings in the annual:

Hit Me Spring

Click above if you want to join in, and join the revolution.

Side effects may include: feeling more comfortable in your body, learning some sick dance moves, quantum leaping to a radically different self, overwhelming amount of self love, confidence boost, epiphanies, and a radiant amount of joy.

4 Steps to Run Your Business Intuitively

Business Is Magic

This may be a bit of a controversial thing to say. When you tie capitalism and mysticism, and can get a little foggy. I truly believe running a business is the single handed best thing I’ve done for my mental, physical, and spiritual health. It has given me the space to create a life that centers around intuition, mysticism, and creativity.

As the world around us start to crippidy crumble, entreprenuer’s remain at the forefront of how to serve the community. What does the world need as things change at lightning speed. Small business is the backbone of innovation. We are the revolution. Creating a business that is completely indicative of what you want to bring in the world is a form of art.

All business owners use intuition to run their business. The idea and pursuit of crafting a business is a stroke of intuition. A divine gift. While you can crunch numbers and see what makes the most sense, some of the best ideas come from a jotted down idea in the middle of the night. Or a stroke of genius during a jog or dance session.

4 Ways to Use Intuition In Business

Inject Pleasure

We all know that running a business can face the most risk and uncertainty of almost any career. You have to have a high risk tolerance, and be able to sustain a level of stress that you have so you don’t have a nervous breakdown. There is an amount of delusion and focus that probably account for all of the psychotic 5am CEO morning routine bullshit.

Mindset is not fucking joke. However, the easier way to get that mindset is to have a good fucking time. To take such absurd joy in the day to day, that it really feels like working is edging.

“How lucky am I to have my own fucking business”

For real, how fucking cool if it that you have a business that you can just have an idea and send it. You can make it whatever you want. You can shift and pivot wherever you want.

Inject pleasure through the day- cue psychotic morning routines. I personally like to journal, stretch, walk, tarot, and dance. Working and creating things for your business is going to become so much more magnetic and pleasurable if you are doing something in a way, or with people, that just make you feel fucking good.

When you feel good, it is so much easier for you intuition to come through. Intuition can just sing a pretty song when you are already singing a song, and bathing in the bliss of life.

No Think

This is something that came very far down the line. I thought something was wrong with me the way I would just… stare. Stare at the window, stare at the wall, stare at the floor. Staring became something I just did. I was a little worried, but never worried enough to stop. I was telling a friend about this who is currently getting her PhD, and she said all academics have staring time. She explained that you would walk past lounges and you would see people sitting in chairs just… staring.

This came to my relief, and then I respected this as part of my process, and now I just think of this as no think time. With so many voices and thoughts being passed through your noggin at all times, it is necessary to wipe that slate clean, and be able to hear nothing.

This can be done through exercise: dancing, walking, running, weights, swimming, whatever. It can also be done through meditation, or just by simply staring. This is such an imperative process to activate the intuition. How can you hear yourself, your inner guidance, your intuition- if it is constantly being pumped with different ideas that aren’t yours. Keep the head empty so you can hear your own voice.

The clearer your own voice is, the deeper you are able to know yourself which makes it infinitely easier to know your own voice- and listen to your unwavering intuition. In business, you’ve got to be a few steps ahead- and when you are playing the game with your intuition- it literally become a cheat code that real send you leaps and bounds ahead of wherever the fuck you thought you wanted to go.

Write Shit Down

This is the power. We are said to have thousands of thoughts throughout the day (how do they really know this??) And one way to start having more control of your thoughts and subconscious is writing things down that you want to represent you.

Write down things like: ideas, dreams, goals, tracking things, etc.

When you carry a pen and paper with you, you are preparing yourself to be the most effective magician at all times. Inspiration strikes whenever it pleases. When you have the tools to write down the inspiration, that’s when it really gets solidified. I really like to track interesting astrological transits, as well as my dreams in the morning. Any habit of putting your pen to a piece of paper, is a habit of creating a deeper connection with yourself- thus strengthening your intuition.

For business, half of my half baked ideas come completely out of left field and then I scribble in my notebook. Full concepts of music videos, and fun things to do and launch in my business come when I least expect it, but I act with the swiftness of the sword (pen).

Act On It

The greatest fun is acting on your intuition. That crazy lil idea you had. Whether it is something small- like going to a specific park to read a book- or something big- like moving to another country and starting a completely new business- the more you show yourself that you are your safety net, the more your intuition can flourish.

There is beauty in creating things out of nothing. Ideas are a gift and will blossom when acted on. An important thing to note- sometimes the idea might not work out. However, the energy of trusting yourself and making shit happen is stirring the cosmic soup that will allow you to open up another door, that you might not have even thought about.

Remember, the more you practice this the more of a rapport you create with yourself, and the easier this all becomes.

Baby’s First Exorcism

imagine a little less floating, and a little more crying in the fetal position

I started writing a blog called “One Year After My Kundalini Awakening”, but as the paragraphs started rolling in I realized that what happened in 2021 wasn’t my first Kundalini Awakening. It was my second. My first Kundalini Awakening happened completely accidentally when I was at a sleep away church camp. It was one of the most beautiful moments that I have ever experienced in my life. Lets take a walk down memory lane to see how we end up at “Baby's First Exorcism”

Church Camp

hillsong burned into your brain

The lore, the sexual tension, the weird “rock on for Jesus” youth pastor with slicked up hair with the signature highlighted tips of the early 2000’s with crispy white Air Jordans because “God wants us to treat our body as a temple”. Middle schoolers jacked up on the sugar and caffiene of the weekly free cappuccino that was handed out willy nilly in the mega church basement.

However, on this occasion all us middle and high schooler were sleeping in the basement. For God. Sleeping in the basement for God. We were apart of a “missions trip” for our hometown. My decrepit, beautiful broken hometown in the Midwest recruited other churches from out of state to help paint fences in the glorious birthplace of Richard Pryor: Peoria, Illinois.

I was sixteen at the time. Deep in love with my anarchist, schizophrenic boyfriend who currently was hopping trains to go to a political actions with “Earth First”. He would call me on a flip phone, and say that the line was tapped. It probably was, knowing what I now know about the government and any activism.

I had recently lost my virginity, and I was deeply in love with this poetic and dangerous nineteen year old. So many emotions, so little outlets with deeply religious parents where denial was a way of practicality, and you didn’t ask questions you didn’t want to hear the answers to.

Servitude & Slumber

I had no fewer than 3 Jesus’ in my house growing up

We lived a minimal life for a week. About 100 of us kids in the church basement. We slept in sleeping bags on the floor in the basement, with girls in one space and boys in another. I’m sure we slept well with all of the hours of manual labor we would do subsiting off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Go- Gurt.

One of our tasks was to walk around the surrounding neighborhoods in groups of two to hand out flyers to our church events, We stumbled upon a porch with a toddler running around, and a gun sitting on the ledge of the porch. Don’t worry, Jesus protects you.

I can only assume I was sleep deprived and malnourished, we lived like social monks. Every evening we would have a service in the evening. Sometimes they would play these awful games where you would eat butter, to “community build”. Maybe to make up for a caloric deficit. It feels like a fever dream scene in a Harmony Korine movie.

This night didn’t seem like any different than any other. We did our Hillsong praise and worship, listened to the sermon, and then broke into small groups of 5-6 people talking about different prompts they had given us.

Paralyzed With Laughter

One question had lit me on fire, and it is still a question that inspires me to live the life I do. It was “How can we take church out of church”. I lit up. I began to radiate and felt this electric energy as I explained to the group that “we belong under the trees praying to g-d, we should sing our praises to the stars, with a bonfire keeping us warm. We should dance as our worship with the fresh air as our nourishment”. My excitement radiated. I asked the group if they also felt the electricity. They did. I exclaimed “This is g-d! We are feeling g-d!”

Someone then handed me a book. I flipped through the pages and started reading. It was about a group of missionaries who were stuck one ground laughing. Paralyzed with laughter, unable to move as they were overtaken by the Holy Spirit.

There is a commotion a few groups away. There is a piercing laughter, and I see the “teachers pet” of youth group laying on the ground, with a face red like a cheery, unable to move, paralyzed with laughter.

The pastors all gather round and look like confused. I shout “I know what happening! It’s in this book I just read!” I start to read the passage I had just been reading like a crazed maniac over the body of the paralyzed laughing boy.

My body was electric, and in hindsight I realize that this was Kundalini Awakening. A divine power had overtaken me, given me divine knowledge and power, and radiated throughout my body and spread throughout the group of un expecting teenagers.

The pastors looked at my bewildered. They cleared everyone from the room, and they called my dad to tell him that his daughter was possessed by a demon.

Luckily, my father is a spirit filled man. He stood up for me. When I talked to him on the phone he said “It’s okay Anna. Don’t be upset. How can you judge someone who has never felt g-d before?”

Nursery Exorcism

The next morning, while everyone went to their service project, the pastor asked me to stay behind. Then they asked me to go to the nursery in the basement. When I arrived, there was about 7-8 adult men standing with their arms crossed. They asked me to take a seat in a small nursery chair as they circled around me.

“Anna, what you felt last night was not of g-d.”

“What, what the other guy felt was from g-d!”

“Yes, he reads his Bible and is a disciple of Christ”

“You felt it! How could you not! The entire room felt it! It was g-d!”

They asked me to quiet down, and explained that if it wasn’t from g-d I must have gotten my powers from a demon. They then took turns praying the demon out of me. Casting out the demon from my body. Lifting their voiced to cast out the demon as I howled lit the fetal position on the floor weeping violent tears and shaking in fear and sadness.

This was the most heartbroken I had ever felt up until that point. Why were they treating me like this? How come they didn’t know that g-d could speak through me?

Dream Walking

quantum leaps in the dream realm

I put that experience in my back pocket for years. What was the point of bringing it up? I wasn’t confident enough in myself, my spirituality, or my psychic abilities to recite this as an origin story. After this happened, I felt fear and apprehension. Sure, I had the support of my dad, but people I was to “respect” just did something so cruel and poisonous to a young girl developing her spirituality.

It took me years to realize that women weren’t meant to thrive in the church. That they were always to be the support of the man. That was probably the real reason I received the exorcism.

I was reading The Artist Way in 2021. If you haven’t read it, it is one of the most powerful books I have ever read in my life. If you follow the 12 week program it will absolutely change your life. One of the prompts struck the chord of this exorcism experience. I wrote about it in my journal, and it brought up a lot.

That night, I dreamt I was back in the church basement. There was a banquet in the other room, and I was standing in the lobby in front of the nursery. I didn’t want to go in the other room, because my ex- sister- in- law was there, and I didn’t want to run into her.

Later that day, I talked to my friend who was living in Spain and we talked pretty infrequently. We were childhood friends so we were familiar with the church and the youth group. She began to tell me about a dream she had the night before where she was in the church basement at a banquet. I felt my stomach drop. We had the same dream. She described the banquet the same way I saw it in my dream. She said she went into the stairwell in the back of the church, because the devil was trying to get her to leave.

That was the first time (that I know of) that I have dream walked. I know that big energetic experiences can leave footprints that can be revisited or present themselves different throughout your life.

I consider this my spiritual origin story. The moment where I realized I was incredibly powerful and struck fear into people. Looking at it through the eye of an adult. I am proud that I allowed myself to have that experience and continue to defend my position of love through all of the hate.

Just Take the Helicopter

This is a blog post to revisit anytime you are feeling clunky, or like you are trudging up a mountain and moving so, so slowly and you are looking for speed and efficiency.

Choose Your Adventure

Imagine you are heading up a mountain. You trudge one heavy foot after another. It is slow and tedious. You do not enjoy your time walking up the mountain. The wind is blowing in your face, and the steps feel like sludge.

Now imagine you see a helicopter in a field next to you. The pilot waves to you and you wave back. You trudge along. Then you stop, and wonder if he could give you a ride. He did wave after all, so he must be friendly.

You approach the pilot and ask about the helicopter. Where he is heading? how long he has been flying? He asks you about your journey, and you say “to the top of the moutain”.

He smiles and says that’s where he is going, and then offers you a ride.

You pause and wonder if you should. You don’t know this man. But it is windy, and you have a long way to go. Adventure never scared you and your gut gave you a feeling that this was, in fact, all right.

You get in the plane and experience a miraculous view, and in 20 minutes- you are at the top. You feel a little queasy from the choppy air, but you hold tight and focus on your breath.

When you get to the top, the air is more crisp than you could have ever imagined. The grass is green, and the sun feels so warm and inviting oy our shoulders. You look around and smile, happy that you trusted the man and decided to get on the helicopter.

Back To Reality

At any moment in your life, you can decide that you want to take the helicopter. It is always accessible to you. But there are a few things you need to know before you get on the helicopter.

Where You are Going

In order to get in a helicopter, you’ll have to tell the pilot where you are going. Now this doesn’t have to be anything super specific. If you trust the pilot, you can always say dealers choice, but if you have a specific location that will make it a lot more simple from getting to point A to point B. You can always say something like “somewhere with daffodil blooms”, and the pilot can take you.

Take this time to assess whether you are going in a direction you actually want to go in. A helicopter isn’t of much use, if you are not going in the direction you want to be. No need to go somewhere faster that you don’t want to go in.

Ask For Help

You can never get in a helicopter, if you don’t strike up a conversation first. Sure, there might be a cold offering, but most of the time you have to make sure you are in the room for the invitation. Do you know how you would get an invitation on the helicopter? Are there people in your life you take helicopters frequently?

Like our dear patron saint Lin Manuel Miranda wrote in the smash Broadway hit “Hamilton”, “ I want to be in the room when it happens”. Make space for magic and surprises to happen when you let yourself take a chance. It becomes so easy to forget how wild our technology and resources have gotten. Gain some clarity, curiosity, and certainty to fucking send it!!!

Don’t Let Your Fear of Heights Stop You

Fear is something that gets a bad wrap. Fear is a survival mechanism that is around to keep us alive. However, humans have gotten so good at being alive that millennials are expected to live well past 100. Say what you want about Gary Vee (yes we will go there), but his message of how time is on your side is one of the most beautiful messages circulating.

Time is on your side. You get to bend time, you get to mold time. If you fuck up royally, you get to course correct. You get on the helicopter, and your like oh shit I’m going to throw up. You can either puke and rally, (think: somatic release), or loose your shit.

The calmer you stay as you make these massive quantum jumps in your reality, the more you are telling your body that this is normal and good. That you are safe. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Choose Your Path

Whether you take the scenic path of walking up the mountain, or you decided to take the hitchhike up with the helicopter- these are all energetic opportunities available to you. Make whatever ever way you want to traverse up to you. Always know that you are never stuck, and there is always some type of energetic helicopter available to you.

5 Ways “The Holidays” are the Best Time to Quantum Leap

our majestic time ball

“The Holidays” are a Time Loop Created by Retailers, but we can Use It To Quantum Leap

Time is the keeper of our reality, and when time begins to get collectively more loopy, bendy, and obscure- we have the opportunity to bend our reality to our actual wishes. One things that helps us drastically change our reality and the perception of it is the fluidity of time. Trains, planes, automobiles, and mobile media has presented a uniquely specific time frame for us to all play, create, and manifest in. One of the reasons we’ve rapidly accelerated the cracked the egg of consciousness is because “We Broke Time”, during the multiple lockdowns, grief, and uncertainty we faced in 2020 and beyond.

There is another example that isn’t as insidious, and penetrates the veil of how we experience things during the liminal space of December and “The Holidays”. The buffet of traditions that dictate what we hear in the grocery store, the expectations of who we are supposed to have dinner with, and where we travel to.

I came upon the discover that I am, in fact, stuck in a December pattern. December has always been a bit tricky for me, and one December I even considered booking an 11 day Vipasana retreat during “The Holidays” , because I would rather sit in silence and meditation than be approached by the absurdity and decadence of "The Holidays”

November 26,2019 packing for Paris.

November 30th, 2022 packing for Paris

Both of these photos were taken by the same friend, in 2 different cities, 4 days and 3 years apart.

5 Reason Why “The Holidays” are Best to Quantum Leap

Schedules are Disrupted

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles: they say if you are in a train station or airport in a dream, you are in a liminal space.

When time gets personally wonky, that’s when the fun begins. Think: phone dying (unable to know what time it is), going on vacation (has it been a week or 3 months), sleepovers at someones house (waking up and not knowing where you are).

During the end of November until the beginning of January, we have a huge chunk of time where we loose a lot of daylight rapidly, schedules change of when people are working and not working, travel induces commonplace time changes, and the last 2 week of December are said to be a liminal space where the first week goes lightning fast, and the last week amazingly slow

The first 3 weeks of December are manic as we all rush around planning, planning, planning and then the main event happens, and we come down from our Christmas cookie high, and melt into New Years Resolutions. We end up in the time loop salad, and we all collectively agree on the time loop salad, making the time loop salad easy to bend and manipulate for your quantum leap.

Personally, I find December one of my most productive and inspired months to do things that really light me up. The absence of client work, and the collective rest of most people really lights a fire up my as to get going and make things that excite me.

Nostalgic Songs as Anchors

The Siren herself causing us to shift realities with a ballad that defies time

The power of music is one that cannot be stressed enough as being such a structural and subconscious shifter of what we perceive and how we move through the day. With Christmas music penetrating everything, it brings an air of familiarity- whether it illicites excitement or annoyance, it will alway illicit nostalgia.

It is the one only circumstance where we hear are certain set of music during a certain time of year. And we only hear it this time of the year. Maybe Christmas music is a marketing tactic, but hearing nostalgic things helps us spend more money in the name of “Christmas Cheer”. However, what if you flipped it on it head, and when you head Christmas music it triggered you to make radical changes, shortcuts, abundant manifestations, and inspiration to take a chance on yourself. Use the familiar songs as anchor points throughout the month, to really jump and embed the new self you are creating.

I’ve really worked throughout the years to get over the stress of “The Holidays”, and in doing that, I really have created a potent December where I can quantum leap easily and things just ebb and flow gracefully for me in December. One of the most ancient and powerful modalities of power is singing in a group of people. If you hear a carol that you enjoy, go ahead and sing it out loud as you sing yourself into a new reality that makes you buzz with electricity.

Manifestation Santa

Santa Clause, or Scott Calvin, manages his new Santa duties of making all your dreams come true

The entire premise of Santa Claus is based on Quantum Leaping. He is able to be “Everything, Everywhere, All at Once” to visit all the children at once. Kids believe in the power of Santa breaking the space- time continuum to deliver individually crafted gifts that were delivered in accordance to a specific “wish list” from each child. When you take a step back, have we all been vision boarding for Santa? Are we writing down our wishes and desires for Santa? Maybe this is a cute way to thing about this. Pray to g-d or the universe of Santa. It really doesn't matter, it is all the same thing and they cannot tell the difference between the both of them. Whatever diety helps you break the time-space continuum- bring it!

The time travel continues to radiate throughout Christmas movies. From the past, present, and future angels of The Christmas Carol, or the quantum leaping classic It’s A Wonderful Life where an angel comes down and shows our protagonist what life would look like if he never existed.

With everyone on board with the time bending trope of Christmas and magic, lets utilize it to make something grand. Write your silly little list to be granted by Santa. The air is ripe with belief, magic, and absurdity- so go ahead and take some for yourself you sweet, sweet grownup.

Unavoidable Shadow Work

the ghosts of Christmas future are coming for us all

One of the bummers of the nostalgia and traditions of “The Holidays” is we are confronted with past versions of ourselves. Whether it is from confronting families, the nostalgic whimsy of a simpler time, or a heartache of loss that stings even deeper because that person just isn’t there to celebrate with you anymore- shadow work is coming for everyone that is no longer a child during “The Holidays”.

The traditional birth of Jesus Christ is just so much shadow work lumped into something. Mary Magdalene was so dejected, destitute, and homeless she had to give birth in a barn. Without any family, in a strange land with her measly husband (that she didn’t even get fucked by??) The founding story of Christmas is destitute, and said destitution can ripple throughout “The Holidays”. The pressure of consumerism and acceptance radiates throughout “The Holidays” and can give such a huge amount of stress during something that is supposed to be happy.

However, I always think that shadow work is a good thing. Especially on a collective level. If we are all at least acknowledging pressure, grief, and stress- we can ultimately choose what feels good for us. If everyone is mumbo jumbo and sorting themselves out, you can sort out your mumbo jumbo- and everything feels a bit more cinematic with the swirls, and you can choose to make more cinematic bold choices as you quantum leap.

New Years

that one time we thought all of the computers would stop working because the 1 would be replaces by a 2

Get your sparkles and sparkle hats ready, because we have arrived at The New Year. This one is probably the most obvious. We plan, we celebrate, we get new calendars, and a number will change on the date for the entire year as we allow ourselves to write and then quickly scribbly out “2019” on dated documents.

This represents one of the most hopeful times of “The Holidays”. The dawn of the New Year is a lot like birthday’s. Some like to have a huge celebration and go all out, and others prefer a low-key reflective time to usher in a new sect of time.

For this one, you know what to do. You’ve been doing it consciously or consciously for the past… however long you’ve been alive. Take a look back on your past New Years Eve’s and New Years, and what felt good. What went well? What was a flop? How did you set goals? Did it work? How do you measure success?

Use the collective energy of transformation and reinvention. Trust yourself to lean on it and let it carry you into The New Year with ease and grace.

Holiday Time Warp

yeah, they made a wormhole in a computer last week

This is such a unique and exciting time, that we have so much “magic” swirling in the air. The big box retailers understand that they have created a liminal space, and use it to convince the masses to buy more from shiny object sales and hypnotic Christmas music. Take autonomy of the temporary time warp, and create use this time to be intentional, radical, and exciting. Quantum leap into the new you, manifest some shit like your a kid asking Santa, and have a Ho Ho Happy Holiday.

True Life: I’m Addicted to my Phone

I’m an Addict

Welp. That doesn’t feel good to say out loud. I know this is true for me, and I know this is so true to so many others. I look at my screen time, and I fucking CRINGE when I see that I’ve looked at my fucking phone for 8 hours. in. one. day.

I pride myself in not having that many vices. I barely drink, or smoke weed, and even drinking coffee makes me anxious. A moral code akin to the most high strung Mormons. But there is an elephant in the room, and its the real chokehold that having a smartphone holds. I truly believe it is behind so many of the mental health crisis’ we see. Yes, the world is on fire, but the chokehold of staring at a blue light from hours at a time will be something that will be studied in history books for decades to come as a catalyst of an incredibly different existence.

living knee deep in La Vie Boheme

Phone Free Life

Lets back up a little bit. It is 2017. I’m living in the French Quarter of New Orleans. I have a flip phone. I just started a business. I’m living with my then husband. I am vegan, aggressively paying off student loans, doing Pilates everyday, regularly uploading to a YouTube channel, reading 80 books, and wroting a goddamn book. In short, better than everybody.

Typically, you would see all of that and think “dang, that must be close to burn out”. Honestly, I never felt like I was there. Everything I was doing had vision and purpose behind it. Inspiration coursed through my veins, and getting up at 6 am to write my book felt fucking amazing . In hindsight, I felt like I had so much more time when I didn’t get stuck in the cathartic and sadistic doom scroll. Ididn’t have a smartphone literally sucking the life out of me.

In my early twenties and teens, I never had a smartphone. And sometimes I never had a phone. I would travel the world without a phone, and relied on kismet strangers to give me the time, or directions. I still have the mantra “whenever my phone dies, that’s when the magic happens”. And in turn, the times when I didn't have a phone, I was connected to the world around me in a way that seemed nothing but whimsical and exciting, although at times unfiltered, chaotic, and heartbreaking.

Black Mirror made us all want to yeet our phones into the river for a couple weeks

Back To Reality

Now, we flash forward to 2023. And I’m addicted and tired of my phone. It does not bring me joy, and I feel like the thoughts that I think are no longer mine anymore. Watching 7 second videos is absolutely destroying my attention span, and I find an urge to check my phone constantly. Sometimes, my thumb will cramp from scrolling so much. How did I end up here? I never wanted to get a smartphone, because I saw everyone became mind numbingly addicted to it.

I am not one to do things with boundaries. For example, if there are sweets in the house- I will eat them. So I just don’t keep sweets in the house. I feel the same way about my phone. I do not want to have it around. I do not know how I can limit myself to 1 hour of phone time, without completely altering the way that I live.

3 years ago, I created a 5 year plan of being smart phone free. Well baby, I have 2 more years to keep this goal alive. This is a goal that my heart still burns for, and I think I just have to send it.

How To Spend Less Time on My Phone:

A sexy boat romance would surely decrease my screen time

1) work on a cruise ship and literally socialize with my peers and sing sea shanties and have casual sex like we are in high school. This one does sound exciting, and could have a side effect of sea delusion.

2) Live in Paris and get rid of service on my phone, and only have it operate with Wifi, while I have a flip phone for functional use. Also, submerging in a language, I typically find myself unwilling to want to engage in English a bunch- and really focus on the language I’m trying to learn.

3) Be a barista. I’m not sure how this will make me spend less time on my phone- but I think it will.

4) set a firm 1 hr limit on my phone, and track it daily and reward or punish myself accordingly. This one needs workshopped a bit, but you get the point. This seems the less likely, as I said before- I am not great with setting limits on myself and become a greedy goblin whenever I get the chance.

5) Start writing more. I think this one really has some legs. According to Atomic Habits, one of the best ways of getting rid of a habit that you don’t want- is by creating a new habit that replaces it. The problem with being fucking addicted to your phone is what could possible eat up 8 hour of my day? Fuck it- lets workshop it.

anna 2.0

Build - A - Bitch

Things I could do to replace the SEVEN HOURS of average screen time. Fucking EW.

2 hour walk

30 minute meditation

1 hour making dinner

1 hour writing letter

1 hour writing blogs

30 minute dancing

30 minute stretching

2 hours reading

Alright, that really doesn’t seem too unreasonable now that we write it down.

Accountability

This is where the blog comes in! Need to figure out how to really keep me accountable. Is it weekly screen check updates? Monthly? Something to keep me in check, and while social media and the internet have a lot of drawbacks, I truly think it is a gift and a tool, and I strive to get to a point where I can leverage the interwebs and get it under control.

Stay tuned for tips and tricks, struggles and success’ as I am painfully honest with myself and strategies to get my brain back from the tech giants. Is what their doing ethical? No. Is my brain anyones responsibility other than my own? Also no.

Godspeed friends.

The Lost Art of Flirting

Dating Apps are Dying

The dating apps have to be on their way out. They just have to. As someone who has worked in weddings, a surprising amount of people have met on dating apps. However, I think the whole scenario has really escalated as the pandemic has escalated peoples mental health issues, and abuse to dating app users. Personally, I was on those bad boys for about 3 months, until I shut it down February of 2020 and never looked back.

The jig is up, and we are slowly beginning to distance ourselves form these tech giants who are monetizing and weaponing our data, including our vulnerable love life. Also, seeing tiktoks of people ripping peoples dating profiles apart is enough for me to want to never rejoin. I feel commoditizing enough, and frankly, everyone I have ever dated I would have swiped left on. I have no idea what my type is or who I am into.

I have had no problem meeting people, platonic or romantically, because I'm bold, extroverted, stupid, and ambivalent about rejection. When you constantly are doing cool shit that you like, you can meet other people who are doing cool shit that you like. Hippies talk about “breaking the matrix” like its some hard thing to do. Breaking the matrix can just look like seeing a cutie at the coffee shop and asking if you can sit with them. It is not that complicated, but you may feel a little butt hurt if they say know.

Ice breakers

Here is a list of ice breakers that I have heard, have used in action, or have been used on me

• “Why are you following me” - landed several dates with this on

• “I’m following you” - less cute, ended up with very interesting date

• “What are you reading” - resulted in a make out session at the park 15 minutes later

• “I’m new to town and I’m looking for friends. Can I have your number?”

• “I like your skates”

• “I like your dragon staff”

• “Looks like we took the same walk, neighbor! Would you like to join me for coffee?”

You get the idea. It’s really not the deep, and the more forward you or the partner is, I think, the better. You can say the “if you're a woman don't initiate”, and to that I say, do whatever the hell you want. I have initiaited a lot in my life that I am interested in, and then if it isn't reciprocal don't fuck with it, but to wait for someone else to make a move if you are interested seems like an oversight and inefficiency of getting what you want.

Become a Regular

The more you frequent a coffee shop, community space, pickle ball court, skate park, whatever- the easier it is to develop a sense of community in said space. The more comfortable you are in said space, the easier it becomes for you to garner social capital. When you have social capital, you are being vetted by the community and you gain peoples trust, and they gain yours.

It becomes so much more simple to ask someone to hang out outside of the context of which you usually hang out it in. When you think of how most people met their partners pre app- its religion, school, sports, or work. Place that you frequent daily or weekly. We are back in a world where we are socializing in person again, and to meet face to face.

“Get What I Want, Cause I Ask for It”

Our prima donna icon, Marina and The Diamonds, says it best. Flirting is a way to ask for whatever we want out of life. You hear the old saying, “butter the roll”, or “you catch more flies with honey”. A little bit of sweetness goes a long way in this life that is so rigid, stern, and sticky. When someone flirts with you, it is usually an instinct to blush, for your face to redden, and to be taken aback- momentarily speechless if you will. It is a way to throw a curveball in a world where our interactions can be so calculated. A subtle glitch in the matrix.

Flirting can be used as a way to get something you want, or just to be perceived how you want to be perceived. Flirting has a boldness in communication that is typically impermissible if it wasn't using a specific tone of voice. Flirting is usually thought of in a romantic sort of sense, but what are you doing if you don’t flirt with your friends.

Flirt with Friend

This is my favorite type of relationships. When you flirt you build people up. And for the longest, platonic flirting has been gate kept by primarily female and queer friendship. The straight boys, just couldn’t cross guy code and flirt. However, think about the instances in bro culture where the flirt: slapping butts on sports teams, “bromance”, “bro’s before hoes”. We are supposed to have complicated, nuance, fun relationships with people and flirting is apart of that.

One of my favorite things about American culture is how we talk to strangers. We, as a country, move a lot. We move states, we move cities, we travel to different cities a lot. Meeting people in these ventures, in most cases, an element of flirting or flattery are used. The more comfortable you are, and appreciative of the beautiful people that you have around you, the easier it is going to be to meet new people. If you are already abundant in amazing friends and relationships, it will be easy to fall into that abundance when meeting new people.

Zip It Up

Cracking down for a month with habit tracking, bullet journaling, and getting a shit ton of physical activity & mental stimulation.

Zip It Up

Free Ballin’

There are so many different ways to stay focused, and get things done. The more of a scrambled salad we receive of time, efficiency, productivity, and overall will power to get things done. We take a couple steps back and wonder, what are we actually working for? We are in a system where we wonder if this will be here in a few more years, or a few more decades. The 5 year plan has gotten wonky. Energy levels are all over the place. People who were motivated and had drive three years ago, can barely get out of bed, and the anxiety driven characters who had a hard time accomplishing anything- have found there self in a new rhythm of getting shit done in this new found dystopia.

Submit to Structure

For the month of August, I have felt for a while that this energy was going to be a handful to get through. I created a habit tracker of sorts, and I have been following it for the past 4 days. It is really intense, and is really stretching me as a person, and not leaving me with a ton of social battery. However, very interesting things have been happing in this period of “zipping it up”. This is in way a long term sustainable situation for me, however it isn’t supposed to be that sustainable.

Things I am tracking daily:

• screen time

• pilates

• walk 10k steps

• no porn

• cash spent/ earned

• wrote a blog

• read 50 pages

• do a time study

Not sustainable, and honestly not always enjoyable. So far the parts I am liking the most are the reading, writing, no porn, and step count. It is really limiting the amount of time I have for socializing. I am not doing great with the screen time. I feel like I am pretty physically tired from all of the physical energy, so I am catching myself in the scroll. Ideally, I wanted my daily screen time to be 30 minutes, but that just isn’t going to happen. I feel like this experiment will change a lot within the next few weeks, so we shall see what will come of it.

Embarrassment to Quantum Leap

Adam Sandler in Billy Madison’s icon “peeing your pants is cool” scene

Shameless

If you want different results, you have to live differently. So often we hear about “stepping out of your comfort zone”, but we never really dive much deeper in it then that. We just pause at “leave your comfort zone, and then things will start to change”. Typically, in the motivational sense it changes for the good, but stepping into the zone can also prep it for shit to get bad. How many people living on the street were risk taking people stepping out of their comfort zone. A zest for life on the wild side?

Lets take a couple steps back, and talk about shame. Why do we feel it? Why do we let shame and embarrassment take up so much space. When we think about how are life is supposed to be, or what the appropriate way to act is, we pause and follow the status quo to a tea. What is we didn’t. What if we danced in the streets? Talked to the stranger? Gave someone a high five? Sang a song? If we are supposed to be connected to nature, and “touch the grass to ground”, then why wouldn't we, by nature, act wild and shameless when we are outside? If sun good, why no make loud noise in sun alone?

Embarrassment Surplus

When I went through a divorce and estrangement with my family 3 years ago, I was cracked the fuck open. Thrust into a place where I had to heal and take accountability for the person I was to become, and not let sadness overcome me. I knew I could not remain the person I was before, because I was going through a rug pull. I turned to music, and by default- dance. I would go on walks and listen to music, and I would soak in the sun that was barely peaking through in the Rocky Mountain winter for a few hours a day. I found myself surrendering to dance. I would listen to music on a speaker, and dance shamelessly in my neighborhood. If people stared, I didn’t notice. This was my time to experience joy and piece myself together to feel like a happy girl.

I never stopped dancing. A few years later, something clicked- I was about to manifest things quicker when I was doing my public dance. I would think things, and they would appear. I would fall into a place of “head empty, only vibes”, and things would flow to me. Life became effortless, and people came into my life and flipped it upside down. The relationships, money, joy, peace, contentment just announced itself.

I think its important to note that by dancing out these emotions on the street it wasn’t all happiness and joy. We had some sad girl moments. Weeping in the snow filled streets after dark listening to dramatic showtunes, while dancing with my shadow in the streetlight. When I honored my emotions and let them fully express themself in a fully theatre kid kind of way, it allowed me to experience a catharsis and freedom that completely changed my life. I never held peoples opinions of my extremely high. It was never something that was my business, but dancing through the neighborhood I became an air bender. Moving the energy of the block with my hand, and prancing around like a delusional child.

Tameless

Shame keeps us safe and unexposed, but this isn’t where the magic happens. The magic happens where you release yourself from the expectation you keep for yourself, how it is polite and well mannered to behave, and let yourself go feral. Let yourself run through the streets. Treat yourself like the village crazy person who is all powerful, all humble, and all free. Shame keeps us insecure, wanting more, and needing products to keep fixing who we are, so we can fit into a plastic world that will teach us to consume, breath, and shit plastic. What if you want the dirt, sweat, and tears? Fuck shame. Life is too short to judge yourself. Let it go.

Channeling 4 Dummies

Gateway Drug

Scientists, philosophers, employers, government officials, tech CEO’s, Oprah, and hippies all agree that meditation is a fundamental building block to make life life more effortless, reduce stress, lower blood pressure, become healthier, gain clarity, gain mental fortitude, and become an overall person that is better than other people. Then what? You get really good at meditating, you become better than your non meditating peers. Well, what happens when shit starts to get weird. When accidentally meditate your way into a spontaneous kundalini awakening, and find yourself with a wide open pandoras box and shit starts to get weird. Where is the line of meditation, visions, prophecy, and imagination. When do you jump from seeing something silly in a meditation, to actually visualizing the future, your desires, and manifest a new reality.

4 steps to channeling

1) It ain’t that deep

Once you feel relaxed enough to start meditating and have it be no big deal. Start meditating with an intent on channeling. Literally let your mind wander. Let you're imagination run wild. In the movie, Soul, they show an amazing example of people getting into the state of getting “in the zone” and let their mind go into a liminal space when they are doing something that they enjoy: writing, playing music, dancing, running. When you enter “the zone” your thinking mind is turned off, and instinct and intuition dance with each other. This is the same place where you can get hits of inspiration, epiphanies, or channeled messages.

Everyone has the capacity to channel. Channel yourself, channel other beings, channel dead people, channel aliens- whatever. Anytime you read a book you are channeling the voice of an author, this is an innate capability that all humans have, but it has been gate kept through religion & spiritual leaders. However, I truly think it is time to connect with multidimensional beings, because shit is getting weird. As our structures collapse, its time to rely on ancient wisdom from g-ds, our higher selves, ascended masters, spirits, aliens- whatever! Our ego isn’t doing a great job on its own, so lets open up the intergalactic floor to help us out with this shit show.

2) No Judgement

This is your time to experiment. Find your own style of channeling and exploration. Your curiosity is a good guide here. If you are digging a tradition meditation type channeling, go listen to the heady hertz waves. If you are more of a movement epiphany kind of gal, go get your clarity and inter dimensional wisdom on a job, swim, dance, squat rack, whatever the fuck.

Slow ride, take it easy. As you chill, meditate, or whatever and you get that intuitive hit, divine guidance, or message, now is the time to look objectively. This isn't written in stone, or fact. It is just information, and one thing I noticed a lot of practitioners and academics say is- interesting. This is an impartial observation, and we are just intaking an interesting phenomenon. One way I can distinguish whether something is fear, trauma, or intuition speaking is my emotional connection with the phenomenon. I’ve received messages that can be a bit dark, but I always feel a bit distanced from in, and never fearful of what would happen. When interpreting my dreams, I pay less attention to what actually happens in the dream, and instead focus on the feeling and emotions in the dream. Same goes for channeling.

3) Track It

Much like the scientific process, the more you track these channeled conversations, epiphanies the more you can co-create and track when you are getting them and how/if they materialize in the physical plane. We are following the traditional question of: does life imitate art, or does art imitate life? Are we air bending the future to our liking, or are we sensing the energy and shifting ourselves to the collective vibe of what is heading our way. It’s a strange dance with fate and free will.

Personally, when channeling to erase the mind of desires and expectation and receive with an anthropological sense. That being stated, when you are open to the universe, you can let some weird stuff in. Anecdotally, I don’t participate in protection spells or anything of the sort, I just indulge in bimbo radiance and joy, so anything to sticky or a bummer won't want to hang around with me. Find your methodology and system for openness, receptivity, and functionality- because sometime when you get to be too astral, the day to day can get a bit hazy.

4) Channel With Others

The ancient technique of doing spiritual practices with a group of people has slowly dissipated in the heavy individualism rebrand of humanity. However, one way to accelerate progress, compare notes, and lean on others with their energetic strengths is through group practice. I personally love to go to a group, guided meditation and compare notes after. It is always a delight to see that we some of us had similar visions, or gravitated and embodied different colors.

One practice I have particularly been seeing big leaps between the metaphysical and physical is channeling with the same friend, contacting the same guides, and guiding each other through different timelines. The synchronicities that appear within the next few days that are confirming the channeling sessions, blur the lines of space-time, and truly affirm the entire experience.

Inner Technology vs. Consumption

Being psychic isn't something that is a gift or talent, but a human capability that is yours if you want to peak under the veil. What would our psychic abilities look like if we focused on our inner technology, vs the outer technology of the internet, highways, and broadcast television. The systems have an uncommon similarity, but it is no wonder the inner technology has been denied and discredited, because a fulfilled person entertained by their internal power and imagination is not an eager consumer. Consume your own shit. World build your own life by being as far out as you could imagine. Take up some goddamn space. You are sovereign, and you can have life be as delicious as you want it.

We Broke Time

Michelle Yeoh Everything, Everywhere, All at Once

Ripe for Radical Change

We have all heard about “quantum leaping”. “Post”- pandemic, media has begun shifting. Large studios began to realize that there is not the resources, interest, and rectification from the public to continue to produce sequel after sequel, and continue to make another tired Marvel Saga. The world became a different place. We all began to view time different as we spent weeks and months in solitude, and began to face our fears, past, futures, goals, and inspiration.

During this time, we cracked time. Time has been a keeper of us, and with the space to reflect and process- we developed a new relationship with time, and many of us became new humans all together. We began to process grieving the life we used to have, and loved ones who passed on as the death toll continues to crank from covid, mental health issues, lack of adequate healthcare, and society at large going into “fuck it”mode and living like it is 1999. In The United States, we broke the sacred rules of keeping our bodies occupied, minds stressed, and allowed a period of rest for a select percent of Americans. Some got sweet, sweet unemployment. Others were able to work from home. Front line workers faces a different type of isolation from recreational places closing, or others being afraid of getting exposed by them. Many were granted rest. The shocker is how quickly the rest catalyzed into something bigger. A spiritual awakening that sparked “The Great Resignation”, and suddenly wellness began to boom, quantum theory, timeline jumping, and manifestation became It Girl topics.

Spiritual Sickening

We delicately land on the year of our Lord- 2022. We are here processing, people have abandoned church and are having massive spiritual awakenings without the support of a community. The commoditization of religion has left most religious institutions places unfit and unsafe for any type of massive awakening. Now the spiritual revolution is happening on TikTok and we are left gathering our bearings to find a way out of this, and pray to g-d that it isn’t psychosis, and that it is, in fact, something of the divine.

When the spiritual influencers appear overnight fill the market gap of said spiritual awakening, things start to get strange. When you fuck with space- time, as manifesting suggests- that you can alter your current reality through quantum physics. Well, what could possibly get weird? Mainstream is the idea of quantum leaping, and becoming a new character.

What happens when you start hearing voices of your dead grandmother? What about when you begin to loose objects that you know you didn’t actually lose? When you switch timelines so drastically, you begin to get amnesia of who you are, where you are, and what year it is. We all experiences a collective amnesia of “what year is it again?”, but nary are those physically prepared for the shock and existential dread of having a dream, and then realizing it is prophetic the next day.

Quantum Entanglement

We have managed to tangle ourself hear, but what about if we want to get off of the Willy Wonka tunnel ride of madness? How do we get off? Can you get off? Once you open the door, can you shut it?

The mind is capable of incredible things, and if getting too spiritually awoken leads to a place of trauma- the brain can be really good of forgetting something can happen. However, I don’t believe you can ever really just… shut a door. There are always cracks and leaks, but it is your life and you can go as deep or shallow as you want. I do believe part of this seemingly simultaneous consciousness awakening is preparing us for when the shit hits the fan- or as some like to call it “new earth”. Respectfully, I think that's a funny way to talk about collapse. I’m sure there will be some cute fucking parts of collapse. We’ll get our apocalypse powers juiced up, and come up with really weird ways to make fans.

Everyone has a different pace, so if you don’t want to access your apocolypse powers until deep apocalypse- so be it and rock on.

Dance Your Way to a New Life

Dance Everyday

Dancing everyday will change your life. It sounds too simple, too easy, and too stupid. Sometime the stupidest, most simple solutions are the most potent. When I say my life is completely unrecognizable when I began daily dancing for 20 minutes, I know it sounds like an actually joke.

I shaved my head in December 2020, and began taking 20 minutes everyday to dance. Initially, it was just as a way for creative expression and exercise while in lockdown. Then, my intuition, magic, clarity, and manifestation abilities began to skyrocket. I started to really explore this dance, and document what was happening in my life. I began writing affirmations, and scripting lofty financial money goals. Friends, when evyerhting I was writing down became my actual reality I felt like I was living in X-Games Mode.

Even now, being so in tune with my body and suboconscious can be exhausting, but dancing was the one thing that I was able to come back to. The one thing I was able to trust myself with. My mind would get worried and filled with anxiety, but when I came back to my body- things would start coming up that I was not expecting. All I could do was honor the feelings and the experience, and let myself surrender into the moment of sadness, anger, joy, drama, peace, helplessness, or confusion.

Playlists

Burst

This is for when you need to pump up, or you are already pumped up and you want to kick it up a notch. Burst is when you want to manifest your highest desires, and embody all of the joy and intensity by turning the notch up. Dance in the most dramatic experience, and get

YouTube Burst Playlist

Spotify Burst Playlist

Seduce

This one is good for chilling, feeling yourself. Listening to seductive music in the morning and dancer like a sex demon in the mirror is one of my favorite practices, and perhaps you would find it a titillating way for you to start your day. I like to start my mornings slow and sexy, and this is a good one to get you there.

YouTube Seduce Playlist

Spotify Seduce Playlist

Release

This one is good for chilling, feeling yourself. Listening to seductive music in the morning and dancer like a sex demon in the mirror is one of my favorite practices, and perhaps you would find it a titillating way for you to start your day. I like to start my mornings slow and sexy, and this is a good one to get you there.

YouTube Release Playlist

Spotify Release Playlist

The Real Tea of Manifestation

We are in a peculiar time in history. The technological advances around us are at a magnatude of wonderful, scary, fantastic, and frightening. We are to a point where envisioning 10 years into the future seems like an arduous and brave task. We see the technological development exceed to places we aren’t even sure we want. “Oh great, a metaverse,” or “Uber is investing in flying cars,” are some of the bizarre phrases that we have uttered in this new century. As the outer technology has taken on a new character role on our life. Our inner technology has also began to expedite and grow. The main modality, and the hot buzzword: manifestation.

As a millennial woman existing on the internet, I am constantly bombarded with things about manifestation. Headlines blare: “How to Manifest Your Future” and “8 Hacks to Help you Manifest Now”. I am no stranger to manifestation, and have discovered my own tips and tricks, that walk some lines that folks are a little uncomfortable with saying outloud, as you are already viewed as a blacksheep.

However, in my wild experience of manifesting things I have had to do a things that a lot of times these master manifestor-s or guru’s leave out because of the implication.

Surrender Control and Rationality

We are taught said to have some sort of control in life. We are supposed to have some sort of linear thinking. However, when we are manifesting- we are supposed to concentrate on the energy of experiencing a radical quantum leap. We’re supposed to act as if it always is. We go into a situation ready to accept any challenge that we might experience. When you release any pretext of things that may go wrongs, or inventing problems in your mind you open the cave of exploration, you stir the cauldron of manifestation. When we have little room for doubt, we only have room for self confidence and forcing ourself to be the person that things differently and moves differently in the world. One of my favorite examples of this is our bold, confident, and ruthless: Elle Woods.

Shop  Legally Blonde

Elle Woods

Cult classic and personal favorite, Legally Blonde, follows the heroes journey of Elle Woods as she applies and gets to Harvard Law School to reunite with an old love because “What, like its hard?” This is the energy of surrendering rationality. This program is one of the most prestigious in the world, and Elle had no doubt that she would get in and thrive. Not only did this usher in the era of power bimbos, but this blind confidence and focused energy is what allowed Elle to quantum leap into a lawyer who graduated valedictorian. She dressed the part, put her head down and began focusing on being the person she wanted to be: a lawyer.

Embracing Delusion

I see so many “master manifestor-s” dance around saying delusion because of the negative connotation and, quite frankly, potentially dangerous outcome. Manifesting is a delicate dance between the veil where we are playing with the time- space continuum, and sometimes, it can be quite difficult to remain grounded enough to see our thoughts become reality. The delusion aspect is that part that asks us to step into with the presence, confidence, and embodiment of the energy that we are manifesting. Delusion is also the fun part. Delusion is when you get to say “why not”, play dress up, and pretend like you are a little kid with pantie hose on your head for long hair. Delusion is Baby Spice. Delusion teases perception. Delusion is what allows artists to see something different and create a masterpiece through their tainted lens. One real life characters who has created his life to imitate his art its : Kanye West.

Shop My Dark Beautiful Twisted Fantasy

Kanye West

From West’s early days, he has always been known for his brash attitude, opulent style, arrogant attitude, and acting with the prestige of someone who was famous. When Kanye’s mom died, he wrote and produced the prolific album: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy where he details his intentions of attaining ultimate fame, power, and fortune. He says “One day I’m going to marry a porn star,” and then he does. He goes on to talk about how he wants to have a powerful, plastic family. He has married into one of the most famous, powerful, and plastic families in existence.

He also talks about that in this pursuit of power and fame, he will loose his mind. He spins a dark tale, which is becoming a self fulfilling prophecy of suicidal ideation and spinning out of control. This begets the old question of “does life imitate art” or “does art imitate life”. It is surreal to see things come to fruition, that West foretold in earlier. The delusion is what propelled him into stardom he knew he was going to be famous and so it was. He then wove a powerful tale in one of the most critically acclaimed albums of our time.

Making Space

This is the integral part into maintaining your sanity and presence while you manifest an extreme energetic change in your life. This is the part where you release all of the parts that are keeping you tied to something that you are not interested in anymore. In the example of Elle Woods, she physically left the town she lived in, and left her friends and family. This created space for her to become the lawyer of her dreams as she didn’t have to confine herself to old perceptions of herself, and instead surrounded herself with hard working, focused people. In terms of Kanye West, he devoted himself to a new life after his mom died and he went full villain mode. He wrote an entire album about becoming a villain, and detailed the life he was now going to leave now that all sense of morality and responsibility had left this plane.

Making space in your life can be as drastic as you would like it. Listen to your intuition on that one. I invited you to find this balance of what you want to see in the world, and begin releasing. Once you start to make space, things will appear and pop up inviting you to make more space, shed more skin, and release more into the person you are making space to become.

One Quantum Leap at a Time

Well looks like you found yourself in the quantum leap article. There is a lot to unpack here, and a lot to still uncover and discover. Whether you are interested in quantum leaping, abruptly quantum leaped, or a seasoned quantum leaper, perhaps this can lead you to something (or somewhere) you haven’t been before. This is by no means a complete, tell all. I want to offer support in any way I can, by talking about my experience and what I’ve learned about this process thus far through reading, courses, and experiencing quantum leaps.

What is a quantum leap?

It’s sci-fi. It’s literally time travel. The idea is that in the quantum real, there are infinite timelines, infinite possibilities and you are jumping to the timeline that is closest to you with least resistance. When you quantum leap, you are positioning yourself in said new timeline. It’s changing who you are as a person so violently and quickly, that sometimes it can destabilize your physical, . You need to prepare to loose everything and gain everything when you quantum leap. In order to make change, you must change your life. This is not something I recommend for everyone. When your vibrational pattern shifts into something else, sometimes it can be difficult or impossible to maintain existing relationships, old habits, and continue to live your old life. You are a new person. These habits that you once fought to change, just don't make sense anymore. Your morning daily breakfast of fruit and yogurt tastes too sweet and you now long for a savory breakfast. Are you prepared to make these changes? Are you willing to sacrifice your old self? I wish there was a more gentle way to rapidly change timelines, but often times, it is a violent death of your old self.

My Experience

A friend suggested a future self meditation that she found extremely helpful for her to learn more about herself, and uncover something that she didn’t know about her past, and there in her future. I tried out the meditation. I was immediately transported to myself 8 years in the future. She was a stunning image of Princess Diana wearing a trench coast, carrying a briefcase, and was a wealthy writer. I stayed in active meditation as I frantically wrote down everything she was telling me what I would need to know to get to where she was. I have never been the same since this day. A couple months later, my hair grew out from a buzzcut, and people started stopping me on the street and at parties to tell me I looked like Princess Diana. I then fully stepped into this new energy. I completely surrender to this new person, this new character I was playing. However, I still has grace with myself. During this time, I stopped being vegan, quit sugar for 6 months, moved across the country, and significantly changed my money story. I was able to change the way I smelled yesterday by simply writing “I want to smell like this” and then I smelled like that. There’s not a ton of rules here, just truly the power of belief, intention, and curiosity. Playfulness helps a lot too.

Before this meditation, I was doing a lot of things that were quickly changing my life. I was having extremely prophetic dreams, and being introduced to different divination techniques that just cleared the roadways for me to become a new person. The book “The Artists Way” played a huge part in this journey. When I went through the meditation, I was in the 12 week course, doing daily writings and artists dates. This cracked me open. The year of 2020 and 2021 has cracked me open. I think it has cracked a lot of the collective open. Things that were “impossible” now are becoming possible. Everyone has more uncertainty in the future and in the present, which in turn has facilitated time travel for the curious layman.

What is your why?

When you are making a drastic life decision, it is important to check in to why you are doing something. This justification doesn't need to sound right, but it needs to feel right. For example, my why is because I want to explore my human potential. I feel called to dig deep, and my martyr convictions of self sacrifice and exploration are dying to be unearthed. Your why could be something like getting into a new situation, you want to change your money story, change the relationships around you, change the perceptions and simplify the life that you live, change your focus. . The list goes on and on, but you will need to just want to, and want to enough to sacrifice your own self for the timeline of you that is living your far fetched dream life.

Modalities:

There are a ton of ways to timeline jump, quantum leap. They can be huge shifts, or something small. Some modalities include: dreams, meditations, future casting, dancing, literally just pouring water from one cup to another, reading a book. Any moment that shifts the way you feel, into something that seems subtly or drastically different. It can also accidentally happen. We experience quantum leaps all the time in something as small as forgetting what day it is, or wearing a different outfit and noticing a different energy to you. You get to choose how big you want it to affect you, and how much you commit to living like this new person. Sometimes, things like grief and great loss can act as huge catalysts to restructuring how you exist day to day. The person you were before the loss, simply does not exist anymore. The more you have a hold of who you want to become, you can construct this new blueprint for your life.

Aftercare

This link is always missing in our DIY spiritual transformations. We get the transformation done, et voila, we are a new person. But then what? I suggest having someone that can support you, and has experience in this type of thing. Be it a friend, spiritual mentor, therapist, etc. This is something that there can be super clear action steps to. I’d recommend digging into some Kundalini practice, as this is one of the only disciplines that works with instant, transformations. There can be a Kundalini Yoga class in your town, and that can be a good place to connect with people that can help and ease in your sudden transformation. A couple techniques I’ve picked up is to keep the energy circling if you feel like that energy impact needs distributed throughout you body. Take in the energy from the top of your head and then spread it around through your body: down your torso, down and up each legs, back through the torso, through each arm, and then cycle the energy out through the top of your head. . I find sometimes when I seek to get “grounded” after an extremely astral experience, I’ll cling to my phone to ground. Not the best tactic, and its my achilles heel. Acknowledge any “desperation groundings” and ask your future self you get over this. Doing something tactile with your hands can be very grounding: cooking, walking, dancing, reading, spending time with people you love, lighting a candle, stretching, taking a bath. Things that are low stress yet still excite you.. Keep it simple.

Meditations:

Here are some places to get started:

future blueprint

This is the meditation I created to let your past child lead you to your future self. When I discovered this modality, I felt convicted to share and have been elated to see peoples response to this work and this particular meditation. We incorporate some simple kundalini breath work to stimulate and keep you active in the meditation, and some grounding breath work to bring you present to your body.

michael sealy future self

The one that started it all. This is 1hr and a hell of a ride. I found I didn’t need the whole hour to meet myself in the future, and actively wrote the entire time. You do you here, but this one can definitely be more sleepy, so this could be something better to do when you are actively awake, and not before you go to sleep.

Advice:

Don’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burned or burn it all down. You won’t necessarily need to burn it all down, perhaps you will just need some small tweaks, but if you want to be a radically different person then you have to make radically different changes that may ask you to burn it all down. When you are co creating with your higher self, with your future self, with g-d— you are surrendering control. You need to prepare to loose everything and gain everything when you quantum leap. In order to make change, you must change your life. This is not something I recommend for everyone. You will not get to control, and the things and the new things about your body, emotions, and habits. Your new future timeline to you will be something beyond you could have imagined, and this is exactly the point. You are delving in the quantum as you do not want to You are literally going to be letting someone else drive the car. That is alright with me, because I am tired of driving.