Embarrassment to Quantum Leap

Adam Sandler in Billy Madison’s icon “peeing your pants is cool” scene

Shameless

If you want different results, you have to live differently. So often we hear about “stepping out of your comfort zone”, but we never really dive much deeper in it then that. We just pause at “leave your comfort zone, and then things will start to change”. Typically, in the motivational sense it changes for the good, but stepping into the zone can also prep it for shit to get bad. How many people living on the street were risk taking people stepping out of their comfort zone. A zest for life on the wild side?

Lets take a couple steps back, and talk about shame. Why do we feel it? Why do we let shame and embarrassment take up so much space. When we think about how are life is supposed to be, or what the appropriate way to act is, we pause and follow the status quo to a tea. What is we didn’t. What if we danced in the streets? Talked to the stranger? Gave someone a high five? Sang a song? If we are supposed to be connected to nature, and “touch the grass to ground”, then why wouldn't we, by nature, act wild and shameless when we are outside? If sun good, why no make loud noise in sun alone?

Embarrassment Surplus

When I went through a divorce and estrangement with my family 3 years ago, I was cracked the fuck open. Thrust into a place where I had to heal and take accountability for the person I was to become, and not let sadness overcome me. I knew I could not remain the person I was before, because I was going through a rug pull. I turned to music, and by default- dance. I would go on walks and listen to music, and I would soak in the sun that was barely peaking through in the Rocky Mountain winter for a few hours a day. I found myself surrendering to dance. I would listen to music on a speaker, and dance shamelessly in my neighborhood. If people stared, I didn’t notice. This was my time to experience joy and piece myself together to feel like a happy girl.

I never stopped dancing. A few years later, something clicked- I was about to manifest things quicker when I was doing my public dance. I would think things, and they would appear. I would fall into a place of “head empty, only vibes”, and things would flow to me. Life became effortless, and people came into my life and flipped it upside down. The relationships, money, joy, peace, contentment just announced itself.

I think its important to note that by dancing out these emotions on the street it wasn’t all happiness and joy. We had some sad girl moments. Weeping in the snow filled streets after dark listening to dramatic showtunes, while dancing with my shadow in the streetlight. When I honored my emotions and let them fully express themself in a fully theatre kid kind of way, it allowed me to experience a catharsis and freedom that completely changed my life. I never held peoples opinions of my extremely high. It was never something that was my business, but dancing through the neighborhood I became an air bender. Moving the energy of the block with my hand, and prancing around like a delusional child.

Tameless

Shame keeps us safe and unexposed, but this isn’t where the magic happens. The magic happens where you release yourself from the expectation you keep for yourself, how it is polite and well mannered to behave, and let yourself go feral. Let yourself run through the streets. Treat yourself like the village crazy person who is all powerful, all humble, and all free. Shame keeps us insecure, wanting more, and needing products to keep fixing who we are, so we can fit into a plastic world that will teach us to consume, breath, and shit plastic. What if you want the dirt, sweat, and tears? Fuck shame. Life is too short to judge yourself. Let it go.

The Real Tea of Manifestation

We are in a peculiar time in history. The technological advances around us are at a magnatude of wonderful, scary, fantastic, and frightening. We are to a point where envisioning 10 years into the future seems like an arduous and brave task. We see the technological development exceed to places we aren’t even sure we want. “Oh great, a metaverse,” or “Uber is investing in flying cars,” are some of the bizarre phrases that we have uttered in this new century. As the outer technology has taken on a new character role on our life. Our inner technology has also began to expedite and grow. The main modality, and the hot buzzword: manifestation.

As a millennial woman existing on the internet, I am constantly bombarded with things about manifestation. Headlines blare: “How to Manifest Your Future” and “8 Hacks to Help you Manifest Now”. I am no stranger to manifestation, and have discovered my own tips and tricks, that walk some lines that folks are a little uncomfortable with saying outloud, as you are already viewed as a blacksheep.

However, in my wild experience of manifesting things I have had to do a things that a lot of times these master manifestor-s or guru’s leave out because of the implication.

Surrender Control and Rationality

We are taught said to have some sort of control in life. We are supposed to have some sort of linear thinking. However, when we are manifesting- we are supposed to concentrate on the energy of experiencing a radical quantum leap. We’re supposed to act as if it always is. We go into a situation ready to accept any challenge that we might experience. When you release any pretext of things that may go wrongs, or inventing problems in your mind you open the cave of exploration, you stir the cauldron of manifestation. When we have little room for doubt, we only have room for self confidence and forcing ourself to be the person that things differently and moves differently in the world. One of my favorite examples of this is our bold, confident, and ruthless: Elle Woods.

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Elle Woods

Cult classic and personal favorite, Legally Blonde, follows the heroes journey of Elle Woods as she applies and gets to Harvard Law School to reunite with an old love because “What, like its hard?” This is the energy of surrendering rationality. This program is one of the most prestigious in the world, and Elle had no doubt that she would get in and thrive. Not only did this usher in the era of power bimbos, but this blind confidence and focused energy is what allowed Elle to quantum leap into a lawyer who graduated valedictorian. She dressed the part, put her head down and began focusing on being the person she wanted to be: a lawyer.

Embracing Delusion

I see so many “master manifestor-s” dance around saying delusion because of the negative connotation and, quite frankly, potentially dangerous outcome. Manifesting is a delicate dance between the veil where we are playing with the time- space continuum, and sometimes, it can be quite difficult to remain grounded enough to see our thoughts become reality. The delusion aspect is that part that asks us to step into with the presence, confidence, and embodiment of the energy that we are manifesting. Delusion is also the fun part. Delusion is when you get to say “why not”, play dress up, and pretend like you are a little kid with pantie hose on your head for long hair. Delusion is Baby Spice. Delusion teases perception. Delusion is what allows artists to see something different and create a masterpiece through their tainted lens. One real life characters who has created his life to imitate his art its : Kanye West.

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Kanye West

From West’s early days, he has always been known for his brash attitude, opulent style, arrogant attitude, and acting with the prestige of someone who was famous. When Kanye’s mom died, he wrote and produced the prolific album: My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy where he details his intentions of attaining ultimate fame, power, and fortune. He says “One day I’m going to marry a porn star,” and then he does. He goes on to talk about how he wants to have a powerful, plastic family. He has married into one of the most famous, powerful, and plastic families in existence.

He also talks about that in this pursuit of power and fame, he will loose his mind. He spins a dark tale, which is becoming a self fulfilling prophecy of suicidal ideation and spinning out of control. This begets the old question of “does life imitate art” or “does art imitate life”. It is surreal to see things come to fruition, that West foretold in earlier. The delusion is what propelled him into stardom he knew he was going to be famous and so it was. He then wove a powerful tale in one of the most critically acclaimed albums of our time.

Making Space

This is the integral part into maintaining your sanity and presence while you manifest an extreme energetic change in your life. This is the part where you release all of the parts that are keeping you tied to something that you are not interested in anymore. In the example of Elle Woods, she physically left the town she lived in, and left her friends and family. This created space for her to become the lawyer of her dreams as she didn’t have to confine herself to old perceptions of herself, and instead surrounded herself with hard working, focused people. In terms of Kanye West, he devoted himself to a new life after his mom died and he went full villain mode. He wrote an entire album about becoming a villain, and detailed the life he was now going to leave now that all sense of morality and responsibility had left this plane.

Making space in your life can be as drastic as you would like it. Listen to your intuition on that one. I invited you to find this balance of what you want to see in the world, and begin releasing. Once you start to make space, things will appear and pop up inviting you to make more space, shed more skin, and release more into the person you are making space to become.